Ruffian706

Only in LA (Well, Maybe NY)

2010-08-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

There's a little café/sandwich shop on the first floor of the building where I'm working for my summer internship. The woman who runs it is very friendly, and we'll often chat when I stop in to pick something up. Aside from the shop, she also does personal catering for people, making food for them to have for daily living (as opposed to food for an event).

I stopped in today because I saw that she had chili, and I'm a sucker for good chili. I noticed on the counter that she had a little trophy that said, "[some school] Elementary School Chili Cook-off Champion," and asked if this was the award-winning chili. She laughed, and told me that yes, this was the award-winning chili. And the reason she has the trophy is that one of her clients paid her to make chili for their kid's school chili contest.

Yes, that's right - professional caterer for the kid's chili contest.

Her thoughts on the matter, "At least they were big enough to let me know that it won, and let me have the trophy."

And...Scene!

2010-03-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

[Setting: Third and fourth floors of the law school library. The fourth floor consists of a large loft area with an open staircase to the third floor. Student #1 is working on the fourth floor; Student #2 is working on the third floor; both are wearing headphones.]

S2: *singing*

S1: [listening to hockey game online, hears a noise over the hockey game.] Huh? What the heck is that?

[S1 removes headphones and realizes it is someone singing. S1 puts headphones back on and turns up the volume of the hockey game.]

[20 minutes elapse. The hockey game has ended.]

S2: *still singing*

S1: [hears noises as the hockey game ends] Really? You're kidding.

[5 minutes elapse.]

S2: *still singing*

[S1 walks to fourth floor railing, and can see S2 at the table below.]

S1: Excuse me!

S2: *still singing*

S1: *waves arm* Hey! Excuse me!

S2: *still singing*

S1: *whistles loudly* Excuse me!

S2: *still singing*

S1: *slaps wooden railing with palm of hand, whistles*

S2: *still singing, but louder*

[S1, bewildered, decides it is not worth the effort and returns to library carrel. 5 minutes elapse.]

S2: *talking on cell phone in Russian*

[5 minutes elapse.]

S2: *still talking on cell phone in Russian*

[Frustrated, S1 walks down the stairs to the third floor and towards S2's table. Meanwhile, S2 finishes her phone conversation.]

S1: Excuse me, would you mind being a little quieter?

S2: *stares at S1, at first blankly and then with mild hostility*

S1: With the cell phone, and the singing. Could you please keep it down?

S2: Singing?

S1: Yes, singing.

S2: *stares blankly*

S1: The singing. A few minutes ago, before you got on the phone. Your singing.

S2: My singing?

S1: Yes. You were singing.

S2: I was singing?

S1: Yes. You were singing.

S2: I was?

S1: Yes, you were. Singing.

S2: *stares blankly*

[5-10 seconds elapse. S1 returns to the fourth floor.]

"Gentrification"

2010-03-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

I will admit first and foremost that I live in Hollywood, which I characterize as seedy, yet safe. Seedy in that it features a sizable population of down and out folks including homeless people, folks with substance abuse problems, folks who have come here to "make it" but currently have next to nothing, and others who are generally just trying to fly under the radar of society in a way that can really only be done in seedy places with "hotels" that rent rooms by the week on a cash basis. But safe, because since it is cheap, it also features a fair number of working-class immigrant families, and also because Los Angeles is heavily invested in keeping its #1 tourist attraction safe for the out of town buck, so there are cops all over the place.

So when I started looking for an apartment here, I knew I wasn't going to be living in the lap of luxury, which was completely fine with me--I'm generally uncomfortable in unfamiliar laps, especially luxurious ones. As a law student going to school at UCLA with a significant other working in downtown and living in Orange County, Hollywood was perfect: cheap but not dangerous, easy public transit commute to UCLA, and easy public transit commute to downtown and Union Station (and hence Orange Country via commuter rail). I was hoping for a decent place with a minimum of sketchy people, no bugs, no foul odors, and doors that lock.

Happily, I was quickly quite successful. My roommate and I found our current place in a small building. It's a small two bedroom (AND two bath...unexpected bonus), there's a cute little courtyard with lots of plants and a pool (which is almost never open, but at least it's nice to look at); the apartment had been completely redone since the previous tenants with new fake-wood floors & fresh paint; it didn't smell; and the building, with a mix of studios and 1 & 2 bedroom places, was a mix of mostly working class Latino families--some of whom had been there many years, a few solo older folks, a few younger white couples, and one unit occupied by someone who I think just uses it as their weekend affair pad (read: really fancy car only shows up on weekends once or twice a month); and the big coup for Hollywood: TWO PARKING SPOTS.

For the most part, I have liked it here. The apartment has been exactly what I've hoped for--cheap, utility apartment where I've been able to get comfy, easy transport around town.

But...

About a month or so after I moved in, things got weird. The apartment manager changed, and instead of the younger, tattooed couple managing the place, we got this awkward, skinny, older white guy. At the same time we all got letters announcing that there was to be no more hanging towels on the balcony railing to dry, no more bikes kept in common areas outside of apartments, typical attempted-gentrification-type stuff. Can't have this place looking low-class now, can we.

Then a few months in, said weird apartment manager approached me in the laundry room one day. He asked if I would be willing to testify against my neighbors, a Latino family with 3 kids, to get them evicted on account of noise. Keep in mind, I had not once complained about noise from this family. Yes, they generate some noise, but THEY ARE A FAMILY. And the building isn't exactly soundproof, so I can hardly blame them if their typical family noise travels into my apartment. Not only had I never complained about the noise, but it had never crossed my mind to do so. They never bothered me.

Being do-gooder law students, my roommate and I talked to them, and we heard the story we were afraid of. Most of the Latino families in the building were being harassed, bugged about things they had never been talked to about before in years. And one by one, we started to notice turnover, and a higher number of white residents and fewer Latino tenants.

We were bummed to realize that we ourselves were part of a wave of gentrification which was hitting the building.

In a society where people automatically view a high concentration of non-white people as a sign of poverty and lower class, naturally a high population of white people must be a sign of safety, higher class, and a more desirable place to live, right?

So let's see what this gentrification has gotten us.

Many of the young white folks that have served as part of this wave are young kids trying to get into "The Industry"...those people I mentioned before who are trying to make it but currently have next to nothing. I don't have anything against them for that. What I do have against them is that they play music all the damn time (both listening to it and playing it); they stand in common areas talking on their cell phones or to one another ridiculously loudly; they loudly bring equipment in and out of the building at all hours of the day; they have more late night get togethers; they smoke a variety of things in common areas of the building and leave their cigarette butts scattered about; they prop the secure outside doors open so they don't need keys; there is a markedly higher number of strange people I don't recognize coming and going through the building; while I haven't seen any critters, I just received notice that they are coming through to do a pest control spray, because one of the units now has bugs.

In general, it's just a less pleasant place to live. And Mr. Manager, the guy who was so concerned about the noise from the family next door (who thankfully is still there)? I asked him the other day about some of these issues. He said he was too busy to be "policing" everyone all the time, and I would just have to deal with it myself.

Yes. Gentrification. White is better, of course.

And certainly, we are in a post racial America.

Bring Steak!

2010-03-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

I've entered bring steak...known as spring break to grown up people and people whose brains have not been deteriorated by law school. This of course means that I can work on work without having to worry about pesky classes. It also means I get to do laundry...seven loads of it, to be exact. And clean up a bit. And sleep. Mmmm....sleep...

Advice

2010-03-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

If you are working with a team of people, especially if you have asked them to work with you on a project that will end up requiring much more of their time than they anticipated lending to you, be respectful of their time, and follow through on your responsibilities to them. Otherwise, people end up having days like I have had so far today.

[Quick backstory:
I am helping organize a rather large event at my school, a 3-day symposium with most of the top names in the academic field it relates to, with over ~~300~~ ~~400~~ 550 registered participants (which keeps going up because they did not put a deadline or cap on registration), about 100 volunteers, and about 200 presenters. My primary job is Cat Herding...aka Volunteer Coordination. This means that it's my job to keep tabs on what volunteers are supposed to be where, where more volunteers are needed, and to relate to volunteers what/where/when/how they are supposed to do things. This is all based on instructions, needs, requests, etc. given to me by people managing the various different aspects of the symposium. Today is Wednesday. The symposium starts tomorrow.]

Back to my day thus far:
After being up late last night working, I dragged myself to campus for an 8:00 symposium breakfast meeting and a later--unrelated--lunch meeting. Both of these meetings ended up being canceled without my knowing until I showed up to empty rooms both times. This meant that I came to campus about 10 hours before I needed to be here, with no food (because food was supposed to be at both meetings). Only one of the 11 other organizers has sent me the instructions for their volunteers in the various areas. I have not heard a peep regarding a job I intensely want for the summer, despite being told to check in with them if I had not heard anything by yesterday. (Which I did. Yesterday.) Nobody has replied to numerous questions and concerns I have sent out about this and other aspects of the symposium, despite one of them explicitly asking if we could meet this afternoon. In about 5 hours, I am training anywhere from 10 to 100 volunteers, except I don't really have anything to train them on.

And a bird dribbled poop on my head. And it's only 2:00.

Quintessential Hollywood

2010-02-28T23:29:00.000-08:00

LT and I took a walk today, and the second half ended up being a quintessential Hollywood experience. At least, for people who know what Hollywood is actually like.

There was of course the part that people who don't know Hollywood think of--celebrity event. We passed a throng of kids outside of some theater, waiting to get into a benefit concert starring a whole bunch of kid stars. One was outside signing autographs, but damned if I know who it was. He looked like he was about 10, and I thought about how weird it would be to be 10 and have to learn how to work a crowd and greet fans and sign autographs and stuff. The neatest part about it was the street performer we saw a block earlier getting ready to make an appearance, getting himself up on pretty decently sized stilts.

Then there were two blocks that were really almost a complete picture of the real Hollywood. It started with a new condo/apartment/shopping development, across the street were a bunch of old trees that had completely decimated the sidewalk. A block down we noticed this really neat looking building with balconies with fun designs and admired it for a bit, then when we got to the corner we saw the sign saying that it was housing for elderly LGBT folks. Then the next block involved a restaurant called Big Wangs, advertising Bikini Bingo every Sunday night at 8; two guys yelling back and forth across the street while one was parking an old beater car; another guy driving by in an annoyingly loud Mustang; a loud and rowdy bar; a shady bar that you couldn't see inside at all, all you saw was a dark doorway with a sign above it; and a minor celebrity standing outside a closed auto body shop smoking a cigarette.

And that, my friends, is Hollywood.

Hello, Strangers

2009-07-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

I have often heard the adage about one's eyes being bigger than one's stomach. Apparently this is true regarding activities, as well.

When last we met, I was getting ready for my last real final, and psyching myself up to not slip into a coma before my last actual final. I managed to succeed in that, then slipped into a coma AFTER my last actual final. If I remember right, for about the next two weeks I slept an average of 12-14 hours a day. Having never been someone to sleep all day, this was quite a change for me.

Thankfully, I finally caught up on 9 months' worth of sleep, and my proverbial eyes got bigger than my proverbial stomach. Basically, I got so excited about not having all this school work to do that I immediately started committing myself to all kinds of stuff, and ended up being just as crazy as I was during that horrible second semester. I learned that lesson after a little bit, and started backing off of some things, and I think now I've gotten myself almost to a reasonable level. Almost.

At any rate, the last several months have been pretty filled with "figuring yourself out and learning about how you see the world" kind of stuff. I've spent the summer as a law clerk for National Center for Lesbian Rights, which, despite its name, is one of the most progressive and inclusive LGBTQ legal organizations out there. It has been a crazy busy internship, but an amazing one--the people are dedicated beyond belief and amazing to work with, and they accept nothing from themselves except the highest quality. The end result is an absolutely spectacular organization that does breathtaking work.

I've also started to realize how much over the last year my world view has grown and shifted, and how I see things so differently than I did even a year ago. It's not that I have changed any of my core beliefs about the world; it's more that my views on a lot of things have sharpened and clarified. I feel a lot more solid in my beliefs, as though the ways I thought about things before were on the right track, but they were inklings of thoughts--guesses made by someone who didn't have any experience to really have anything beyond a guess. I don't think that is an entirely true characterization, but it's something like that.

Anyway, enough esoteric blabbering for one night. To bed!

I'm Not Dead Yet

2009-05-06T21:18:00.001-07:00

...I feel happy!!! I feel happy!!!!

For all the times I thought I was busy before, but still had time to post once a week or two, the last two months have been quite the joke on me.

But, I'm almost done. My last "real" final is tomorrow, then next Monday I have a kinda-final, which counts for 20% of that class (compared to the other finals, which are 100% of their classes).

So I figured, while I'm whittling away the final days, the following tribute would be a good way to try to relate the last nine months of my life to you.

To compare me to the video:
- Haircuts come few and far between; I'm generally much shaggier than I was before. And I bathe less. I do still USUALLY brush my teeth every day, unless I'm running late that morning.

- My computer is in fact broken (the keyboard doesn't work, I have to use an external one), but it's a Mac, not a Dell. (If it was a Dell it would probably be smoking right now.) It looks hokey, but the external one was cheaper than fixing it. The only truly annoying thing is answering questions about it.

- I haven't lived on mashed potatoes - my cuisine has mostly been generic Mac n Cheese with a can of tuna thrown in, usually made without milk (milk is expensive, and it goes bad). Stretch one box into two meals, and you've got under 75¢ a meal, baby! And oatmeal for breakfast - do you realize how cheap oatmeal is?! Cereal has become too rich for my blood - 8¢ per meal vs. 50¢? No contest.

(In the interests of full disclosure, for the last few weeks I've discovered that the oatmeal is really good when you make it with milk, so I've been sucking it up and spending the $1.50 for a half gallon each week, thereby having milk for the Mac n Cheese, too.)

Intermission

2009-03-15T18:27:00.000-07:00

Coming to you from the midst of the memo homestretch. This picture was from a car wreck that tied up I-5 for several hours during the morning rush. The paragraph immediately following the picture started: "No one was injured in the three-car accident..."

Yup, looks that way to me.

Microcosm

2009-03-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

I stayed on campus late today working, so by the time I left to go home it was about 10:30 pm. My usual (more direct) bus doesn't run that late, so I had to catch two to get home--one east to Hollywood, then one south to my area. I stood at the bus stop waiting for the 2, which at that point only comes every half hour. I was relishing in a couple weather-related things: namely, that I was quite comfortable in a hoodie, jeans and sandals, and that the back of my neck felt a little itchy-rough from reading out in the sun this afternoon. Then I realized the woman at the stop next to me was bundled up in a coat, with her knit hat pulled down and scarf pulled up so only her eyes were showing, shivering and cursing the wait for the bus.

Just as the bus came, I heard an owl. If I had only heard it once, I would have doubted myself, but I heard it again as I was getting on; definitely an owl. Another woman who arrived just as the bus was pulling up heard it too, and we talked for a minute about nothing in particular. She works for the UCLA hospitality services, and takes that bus so often that she usually can time it so she gets to the stop right when it's about to come.

I got off the first bus at Sunset and Vine, and waited for the next one. At that point it was about 11:15, and the next one was due to come shortly after 11:30. While I was waiting, a pseudo-goth chick lit a bunch of papers on fire and threw them in a trash can, then knocked the trash can off the sidewalk and spent a few minutes kicking it around the parking lane on Vine, spreading smoldering flakes of paper everywhere. An old white guy dressed in business-casual type clothes and an old worn fishing hat looked at her, looked at me, and said, very deliberately, "She's craaazy. I think she had something to smoke. If the cops were here, she'd be in jail." When the bus came, the goth chick picked up the now-extinguished garbage can, set it upright on the sidewalk, and threw her fast food garbage into it.

I got off the bus in my neighborhood at around midnight. It was incredibly quiet - aside from very light traffic, the only sound was that of a beautiful solo voice rehearsing a song, coming from the Korean store-front church whose only English language sign says, "Happy Life With Jesus!" It was the first time I'd ever seen any signs of activity at that church--its metal security gate was closed, but the front door inside that was open and light streamed out.

On the walk home, I spent a minute saying hello to and rough-housing with Doggie, the "guard dog" who lives in the parking lot of a tire store near my house. I waved to Armando, the security guard at the place across the street. I can't quite figure out what the place IS, but they have a nighttime security guard who sits outside their door on a metal folding chair at night. In the last block before home, one of a myriad old alarm clocks was busily beeping away in the second hand/junk store.

People Watching

2009-03-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

People tend to have a lot of different impressions about Los Angeles. For some people, LA is Hollywood. (Although not actual Hollywood--the "Hollywood" most people think of is more like Beverly Hills and the Palisades...the real Hollywood is way different.) For some people, LA is smog and traffic. For some people, it's the Dodgers. For some people, it's WeHo and the L Word. For some people, it's Santa Monica and Manhattan Beach.

For me, though, LA is the people.

Not the movie stars, fashionistas, or club goers. For me it's the real people. The draw that a city like this has to pull people of all walks of life from near and far is amazing to me. It's the underbelly of Los Angeles - beneath what dominant American culture sees as the capital of glitz and glamour, is a world of people in the trenches, making LA what it really is.

It's the guys who get paid to stand on street corners, holding big arrows directing prospective renters to apartment complexes, some of them turning sign-holding into an Olympic sport.

It's the community organizers, who breathe life into community-based groups at a rate unlike anything I've seen elsewhere.

It's the guy skating down San Vicente in WeHo, in a cowboy hat, Hawaiian shirt, cutoff jean shorts and old-school roller skates, not just skating down the sidewalk, but skating down the middle of a traffic lane, continually pivoting from front to back to front the whole way.

It's the random group of people who, all independently, have become really great friends with the local guard dog.

It's the street character actors at popular shopping and tourist areas. They are movie characters in Hollywood, and are anything and everything on the Promenade in Santa Monica.

It's the friendly guy with a mohawk who bums cigarettes off of other motorists at stop lights.

It's all the people I ride the bus with, every day. Women toting kids, people obviously toting all their earthly belongings, the people who have gotten to know each other over time just because they always end up commuting on the same bus.

It's the bus driver, who has pulled a double shift that day and, when I talk to her at 6:00 in the evening, tells me she's been driving since 3:00 that morning.

It's the guys working in the carpentry and upholstery shop that I pass when I go home, who are always there working even if I walk by at 10:00 at night.

It's the sheer number of stories and personal histories that I brush with in any given day. It's all the people who have come to LA, for whatever reason, and whether they accomplished what they set out to do or not, have made something out of nothing, and give this massive concrete jungle such vital humanity. I admit, given my previous expectations of LA from popular culture, it is not what I expected.

Summer and San Francisco

2009-02-26T15:28:00.000-08:00

Long time, no post. My last post mentioned the ridiculousness of the semester so far, and I'm happy to say the situation has fairly improved, thanks very much to two things - as you may guess from the title, those two things would be summer and San Francisco.

First, with great excitement (and relief) I have my summer internship lined up - woohoo! I'll be working as a law clerk with the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) which is one of the leading GLBTQ legal organizations. They're based out of San Francisco, but I'll be working with their one attorney who is down here in Los Angeles. Not only does this mean that I no longer have to spend time looking for a job, but it's given me a great infusion of enthusiasm and excitement, which actually started back when I interviewed with them a couple weeks ago (which I didn't have time to post about). First and foremost, it's a fantastic organization to work with. Despite its name, it is one of the most inclusive GLBTQ legal organizations out there. In terms of impact litigation, some organizations can tend to be pretty selective in the cases they take--namely, they take cases that they think will be the best vehicles for the causes they are trying to promote. This is good and worthwhile work, but it leaves people in all the other cases out in the cold. NCLR certainly doesn't take every single thing that comes their way, but their scope is amazingly broad, and they tend to focus more on fighting the fights that need to be fought, rather than those that they want to fight.

I knew going into this process, though, that whatever organization I ended up with would be doing good work. What was more of an amazing surprise for me is that the attorney I'll be working with is transgendered, which is simply amazing beyond words. Nonconformity is not a hugely common characteristic in the legal world, and while the public interest sector is not quite so unforgiving as traditional law firms, the interviewing process was not something I was looking forward to. Then, lo and behold, I'm going in for my first interview, and I'm sitting across the table from a trans lawyer. It was amazing on so many levels. The most obvious was the sense of freedom and relief, knowing that this person would truly be interviewing me, not wondering why I didn't have makeup, why I looked like a 12-year-old boy, why he was interviewing some weird woman in a man's suit. He would see and evaluate me, actually me, not my lack of panty hose. There was also an amazing sense of self validation. I was looking at someone I could identify with, who was in a position I wanted to be in. It was proof positive that it is possible, it can happen.

So that's the summer part of things. It dovetailed nicely with the other half of my recent relief - I got the phone call offering the NCLR position while I was on a train heading to San Francisco two weekends ago with LT. Thanks to cancelled class giving me last Friday off, and Presidents Day giving me Monday off, I had a nice four-day weekend to relax, with no memo due upon my return. LT similarly had Monday off, so she took a vacation day on Friday and we hit the road. Er, we hit the rail. It was really a great weekend, and offered a chance for LT and I to just relax and be together, which we really didn't have a chance to do during the semester break.

As somewhat of a mass transit junkie, it was pretty spectacular. We took Amtrak up there, and spent the weekend wandering pretty much all over the Bay area by transit, from Palo Alto to various parts of San Fran, out to Berkeley, and then back on Amtrak to head back south. We got to sleep a lot almost every night. I got to have some weather and rain (a lot of rain, actually), which I have missed horribly. We got to see a number of LT's friends, all very awesome people. We ate some amazing food - I highly recommend Tartine in the Mission for pastries and coffee, Sausage Factory in the Castro for good Italian (insert gay boy joke here), Celtic Cafe near City Hall, and Barney's in Berkeley for great burgers. Oh, and any running and coffee aficionados should check out Zombie Runner in Palo Alto. I didn't have the coffee there, but one of LT's friends works there and I can attest that the owner is obsessed with having everything they do be the highest quality, so I'm sure it's as good as the store is cool (and the store is pretty damn cool). They have a website, too...though I guess that won't help if what you want is the coffee.

It was my first time up in that area, and I found it to be pretty amazing, and definitely a good bit more in line with my heart than LA is. I've never seen so many bikers and people walking dogs, and types of mass transit all in one place! Oh, and most amazing to me, on Sunday we happened to be near the Academy of Sciences in Golden Gate Park, and saw a veritable mob of people waiting to get in. We heard one passerby tell their friend that they were at capacity, and wouldn't be admitting people for at least a few hours. We asked someone what was going on that it was so crowded, assuming that there was a special exhibit opening or something. But no, there was no special exhibit. A lot of people in San Francisco just decided that on this random rainy Sunday, they should go to the museum. As a lifelong nerd, this made my heart spectacularly happy.

Oh, and HILLS!! Hooray HILLS!!!! No, not the old defunct department store chain. Living in a hilly area, amazing views, fun topography. I know LA has the surrounding mountains, but let's face it--the parts where everything is are pretty much flat flat flat. And I really don't like flat places so much. Hills are just better.

Rain, Rain

2009-02-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting up in the Tower Reading Room in the library, in a work cubby thing next to a window, listening to and watching a pretty decent rain storm. I can't quite tell if the rain is making me peaceful or a bit melancholy, or maybe it's just putting me into a slower pace, which can lead to a bit of both. Certainly, it's hearkening me back to pre-California times in my life, where sitting and listening to rain was a much more common event than it is out here. And that is certainly an occurence that has upsides and downsides.

The semester has been spectacularly insane. I would say that it's all I can do to keep my head above water, except I don't feel like I am keeping my head above water. In order for me to do everything that school requires right now, I feel like I would have to quite literally cut out ALL non-essential school things...and I just can't do that. So, I'm doing what I can.

Readings have been much heavier this semester than last, and the pace of our legal writing skills papers has been much more brisk. On top of that we're in the midst of job searches for the summer, which is simultaneously exciting, excruciating, stressful, exhilerating, but most of all time consuming. I have four interviews on Saturday (yes, FOUR), and really hope that one of them pans out sooner rather than later, so I can relax on that end. Plus there are scholarships and financial aid for next year to apply for (ugh, FAFSA), and the extra-curricular activities certainly don't cease to exist at this time of year. Extra-curricular, yes. Non-essential to my happiness with law school? Absolutely not.

And I think I'm dating someone, too. I seem to recall this.

That's not to say that things are all bad. Busy? Yes. Stressful? Yes. Constant guilt for all the friends and family that I've not been keeping up correspondence with? Yes. Overloaded brain to the point of becoming stupid in some regards? Yes. But also fulfilled, excited, and still absolutely positive that I made the right choice.

Case in point, the summer job search. Applying to all these different organizations just kicks my brain into high gear at the thought of the myriad worthwhile, positive work I will get to do. It's somewhat anxiety-inducing when I'm thinking of a few certain organizations that I really want to get a position at, but even if those at the top of my list don't pan out, the total picture is like a do-gooder's buffet. I'm extremely confident that no matter what organization I end up at, it will be fulfilling and amazing.

Certainly, way more so than my old basement cube. I might miss the 'Burgh, but not that particular piece of the 'Burgh.

What a Difference a Day Makes

2009-01-22T11:27:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this post instead of reading for Con Law, but oh well. I went to the New York Times a few minutes ago, and saw that President Obama signed an order today to end secret interrogation techniques and the secret detention system of the CIA, and to close the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center within a year. He also is establishing diplomatic efforts to figure out where to place released detainees. (I originally typed "renewing diplomatic efforts", but you can't renew something that never exactly existed.)

As happy as I've been around Obama's inauguration, and W's departure, it finally hit me with this article: I never really thought about how it would feel to again be a citizen of a nation that acts with some basic integrity towards the larger world. The violations of human rights that we have been perpetrating have been egregious and untenable. If another country systematically did to U.S. citizens what we've been doing to others, we would go to war at the drop of a hat. As crazy as it sounds, it didn't actually sink in that it would end, or how it would feel for it to end.

I'm speechless at the feeling inside me right now. There is relief. There is amazement. There is happy shock. There is, for the first time in a long time, pride. I love my country, and I hate to see it do horrible things. I have always had true admiration and support for the men and women serving our country; for the first time in a long time, I now have some faith in their civilian leaders. I truly understand the hope now - I thought I did before, but the difference between dreaming of hope and actually having it is amazing.

Why We Use Privacy on the Intertubes

2009-01-17T19:43:00.001-08:00

True story, not from me (I promise) but from an acquaintance who will remain nameless, in keeping with the theme of this post.

Said acquaintance (hereafter referred to as "AQ") posted a YouTube video, related to gender. (What? I have friends who talk about gender? Shocking.) AQ got a private message reply, asking what AQ's gender was. AQ took this as a teaching moment, and rather than answering, told the person (hereafter refered to as C, for CREEPER) that they might learn more about the whole subject of gender if they examined their reason for being so curious - was it because they couldn't deal with wondering? Did they want to be able to fit AQ into a neat boxy category? Would it bother C if AQ never answered and they never found out?

Well, C mistook the "would it bother you if I never answered" bit in a slightly different light, and began talking about how no, it wouldn't bother them, because it's not like there was any emotional commitment...and then began expounding upon love. Yeah, actually using the "L" word. In the course of part of a day, C sent AQ three messages on YouTube, each one getting progressively more creepy, and the last one clearly being impatient at the lack of a response (all three were sent while AQ was nowhere near the computer). Not quite sure how to respond, AQ didn't.

The next day, AQ got a final message from C, proclaiming that since it had been a full two days that C had not heard from AQ (but could see that AQ had logged on in the meantime), that the best thing C could do was to "move on". The search for that special person in C's life would have to continue, although they had hoped that AQ could be that person.

Creepy. Cree. Py. Creepy.

And this, boys and girls, is why I use initials (even though most of the readers here know full well who is who...except in this post, quite intentionally), and why when you have accounts on places like YouTube, Flikr, Facebook, WhoreSpace, etc., you should REEEEALLLY pay attention to your privacy settings.

Gift Horses and Mouths*

2009-01-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

The grades from the first semester have been returning. I've gotten the grades for the courses that had final grades--Torts, Criminal Law and Civil Procedure--and later this afternoon will be getting back last semester's paper from Lawyering Skills.

When I took the exams for the three doctrinal courses, I felt incredibly uncertain about Crim, really good about Torts, and pretty decent about Civil Procedure. I've told a lot of people how poorly I thought I did in Crim, and am currently preparing to be made fun of. I want to stress that thinking I did poorly was not the prototypical drama of the attention-hogging smart person who always claims they did poorly but always does well. It's pretty rare in my life that I've left a test thinking I did poorly, and the times I've thought that, I was right. With the Crim exam, it was a pretty objective feeling, knowing there was a lot of stuff I didn't include that needed to be included. In being short on time to prepare, I hadn't taken any practice exams for that class, and in the course of taking the exam I mismanaged my time horribly, spending an inordinate amount of time on one area and leaving myself very shortchanged for the rest of the exam. As a result, time ended before I was able to include a whole slew of things that needed to be included.

I'm kind of torn about the whole thing, because on the one hand I really want to know how on earth my exam merited an A grade. On the other, I'm afraid that if I ask, a mistake will be uncovered either in the professor's grading or in the school's grade entry, and I will really have gotten a C. (It wouldn't be the first time a clerical entry has worked out to my favor; just ask the Rutgers scholarship committee.) Exposing such a mistake would of course be a very ethical thing to do, but...well... Yeah. And from still another point of view, I'm almost afraid to learn that the grade was legitimate, which would mean that this whole thing really is a crap shoot, which is of course what everyone has tried to tell me, but deep down inside I really don't want to believe! Either that, or the future of Criminal Law is very bleak indeed, if so many people really did worse on that exam than I did.

Perhaps in the end it's a matter of some sort karmic gift, for my being willing to jeapordize my performance for the sake of working on Prop 8 over the semester. Yeah, that's it.

* Updated around 4:15 - Having gotten our papers back, we here at UCLA Law have learned that it's much better to get the grade without the raw score (as we do for exams) than it is to get the raw score without the grade (as did for our papers). They've since posted the distribution so we can get a feel for our placement relative to others, but there were many anxious people looking at their scores without any means of getting a bearing.

Buon' Nuov' Anno!

2009-01-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

See, I was nice and I spared all of you the obligatory sappy tranquil holiday posts. Peace, happiness, blah blah blah, same old same old, boring boring boring.

Nah, actually I kinda dig all that stuff. But I have to admit, I totally missed out on the holidays this year. Not because I had flights on both Xmas and New Years (although I did) but because there was neither the time nor the weather. My last final was on the 19th, after which I took a couple days of brain-dead respite, then had to hurriedly catch up on things I fell behind on during the semester, and start looking at the summer job hunt and scholarship applications for next year. Somewhere in there I found what I think were some really fun presents, but I must admit my shopping and present-pondering was much more crammed in than it normally is. And there was not the typical leisurely evening of lovingly wrapping and decorating each present amidst breaks to gaze at the Xmas tree. Nope. I think they all got wrapped in a 15-minute span at around 2 am Xmas morning, so they could be crammed into my luggage and flown east.

And don't even get me started about seeing Xmas tree lots spring up while I'm still wearing shorts, and how much that helped my holiday spirit.

At any rate, it was a good two-week break between semesters. I had a good trip back east, seeing a lot of my well-missed friends and family. It was very strange, being back in Pittsburgh. It's odd how a place can seem so much the same but so different after just under five months. The first thing that struck me was how small it felt. Even the streets felt narrower than I remember. The other thing that struck me, which made me kind of sad, was that I definitely have lost that sense of ownership and intimate belonging that I felt such a short time ago. It was great to see so much that I love, and so many people that I love, but the feeling I had towards the city was very much that of a loving visitor, not of a resident or someone with an existing stake in the place. I guess that's just how it goes when you've naturally fallen out of touch with the daily goings-on of a community, the changes, the ebb and flow of events. It definitely confirmed to me that yes, I have moved away.

On the other hand, though, the feelings I had were also still definitely that of a close connection, love, and appreciation. It wasn't quite like slipping on a glove and having it fit perfectly, but more like pulling on an old hoodie or t-shirt that feels a little weird because it's different from most of your newer clothes, but has a comforting familiarity to it. So, at the same time that it confirmed that I have left the 'Burgh, it also confirmed that I will always love it dearly.

And I would be absolutely remiss if I didn't mention the PEOPLE! It was great to see so many people. I missed one or two that I really wanted to see, but also got to see some who I thought I would miss, a very pleasant surprise. I even got that greatest of time-passers, a quick road trip with MT! Complete with Headstones! I couldn't ask for much more....except perhaps more time with everyone. It's a very new thing for me to think, "A few months ago we used to talk almost every day. Now I have about three hours to sit with you for a meal, and that's all I'll see you for half a year." I'm not quite used to visiting places where I have a number of friends to see--something I'll have to adapt to!

At any rate, it was a good break and a good visit, and I feel like I'm entering the new semester refreshed and rejuvenated. We'll see if I still feel that way in a week or so, when first semester grades are in.

After a Semester

2008-12-22T23:47:00.000-08:00

So, Friday afternoon my last final ended, and almost for the first time since I got to LA, I had an extended amount of time where I didn't have to be somewhere, reading something, meeting someone, etc. All the brief times that I've had respite over the last four months, my head has been stuffed full of thinking about all the things I did have to go do. So, this is the first time that I've actually taken a deep breath, and thought about and realized what the hell I've been up to these months.

Holy SHIT, I moved to Los Angeles.

Last night, I was at a going away party for a friend I met through the No on Prop 8 campaign. He landed a job on Capitol Hill in DC--very great for him, very bittersweet for those of us here in LA who will miss him. I was talking to LT about him leaving, and it struck me that this felt very different from all the comings and goings that I've seen in LT's circle of friends, folks beginning to establish their lives coming out of college. In those cases, it's still sad, but it's expected and known. People go into the four years knowing that after they graduate, all bets are off.

It feels like such a different thing when you've been established in a permanent life somewhere. You don't meet people with an eye towards shipping off soon. You live there. It's home. You make strong friendships that become tested by time, joy and sadness. Then suddenly, either someone you know is packing up, or you are. If you're the one staying, it's the shock of cold water when you suddenly learn that a piece of your life is leaving. If you're the one going, it's a mixture of fear, excitement at whatever opportunity you're following, sadness, and....guilt. The self-deprecating side of me wants to say it's egotistical to feel that, but I do know that people miss me and, while happy for me, are sad that I'm so far away. And, when you know that you've made people you care about sad, well...in a way leaving feels like breaking some promise, some trust.

I want all you eastern people in my life to know that I really miss you all. I'm happy in school, and I know I made the right decision. I've met fantastic people out here, and begun making great friends. And I know that modern communication helps make distances seem smaller, and heck, I know that I never even lived in the same city as some of you anyhow. But, I also know, from knowing how much I miss you guys, that no amount of electronic gadgetry can completely erase the distance, or completely replace a breakfast, a toast, or a hug.

Huzzah!

2008-12-19T17:47:00.000-08:00

Well, it finally happened -- 40 minutes ago I finished my last final of the semester, and the beginning of my law school career was officially in the books! I'm currently waiting for the bus, and thought I'd take this moment still within reach of UCLA's wireless to jot down a quick note.

It's funny, how stress builds up to a boiling point without you even realizing it, like the proverbial frog in water. I knew I had been feeling stress all semester, between school and the campaign, and I certainly knew that stress mounted as the semester wound down, between final papers, exams, and constantly dealing with fallout from the campaign, as well as attempting to piece together my own gender identity.

I definitely felt moments where the stress hit hard. Particularly, after my first final which I don't think I did very well on. Having your first final not go well is rough--I had a decent crisis of confidence, and momentarily became convinced that through the time spent on the campaign I had painted myself into an inescapable corner. I didn't regret that, but it was still hard feeling that way. I did eventually recover, and my last two finals went much better--I learned a lot about how to best prepare for an exam under sub-optimal conditions!

But, that one-day crisis aside, I didn't realize just how much stress and pressure had built up until after my last final. It was like the opposite of losing 50 pounds gradually, then suddenly hoisting a 50 lb. pack and realizing just how much weight you're not carrying around anymore. It gradually built up, insidious strain by insidious strain. Then suddenly....whoooosh! Freedom! I lost 50 lbs all over again!

Oh yeah, and I'm also surprised by the sense of accomplishment. I went along this whole time knowing in my head that law school is a tough thing, but not feeling like in and of itself it's a congratulatory event. The result-driven side of me thinks, "Well, congratulate me when we see how I did!" But regardless how I did, I do feel a significant sense of accomplishment. I still can't quite understand why, but it's nice!

And so, my task for this weekend is getting back in touch with all you beautiful folks who I have neglected for the last month, and planning my trip back east!

Things I've Learned During My First Law School Finals Period

2008-12-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

- It's really cruel that the greatest learning resource and the greatest source of procrastination are found in the same place, namely your laptop.
- I work a lot better with headphones, rather than just music playing from speakers.
- I don't work at all if there's no noise.
- I don't regret the decisions I made through the course of the semester to work on the No on 8 campaign as much as I did.
- That being said, those decisions are probably going to affect my grades.
- When crunched for time, practice exams are way more important than memorizing more minutiae. Minutiae do you no good when you run out of time to write them down.
- The keycode to get into the bathroom at the Starbucks at Pico and Rimpeau is 1-2-3-4. Omar the barista told it to me.
- I'm eight years older than when I graduated from college, and I can't get away with hardly any sleep like I used to.
- This needing-to-sleep thing is VERY inconvenient.
- Sometimes, other people's past outlines just suck.
- Someone will look at my outline down the road and think it sucks.
- Buying the spring semester books during the fall semester finals period gives you first dibs on finding the used books in the best shape.
- This law school shit is hard!
- No matter how you feel about how you did on the exam, you have absolutely no way of knowing how your exam rates in the larger context of everyone else's exams.
- The Pens win if I listen to them online while I'm at the dining room table, but not if I listen to them online while I'm on the couch.
- Law school exams are the first time I've truly felt mentally hit by an A-bomb after a test.

Guest Speaker

2008-12-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

Since I don't have time to talk on my own blog, I'm happy to step aside and let Jon Stewart take a guest turn.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Exam Tomorrow (Today?!)

2008-12-09T02:09:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so - as the semester has wound down, the catchup I've played after the election has become increasingly more time consuming, as evidenced by the dwindling posts.

Tomorrow (technically later today, I guess!) is my first final, Crim. Happily I get to start off with the only closed-book final I have; nice to get it out of the way, but not so nice for my nerves.

It's funny though - through all the preparation, while I've been very busy and somewhat more stressed than usual, I haven't been nervous. Until this evening. This evening I definitely have been hit with a big case of the nerves, feeling unprepared, etc. etc. etc. It's kind of a funny feeling.

So, we'll see how it goes I guess!

Pitter Patter!

2008-11-25T22:52:00.000-08:00

Two things finally happened this week: We finally submitted something which counts for a grade, and it finally actually rained.

It's been raining most of the evening and I'm absolutely ecstatic about it! I knew I'd missed weather, but actually getting some actually brought it home for real. I've been laying around for a while now doing nothing except listening to the sound of it falling outside. Ahhh.... I hope it's still rainy tomorrow morning; I would love a rainy morning. But, a rainy evening is almost as good.

And, thinking about all the oil from the last however many months that is being stirred up on the highways...makes me glad I got new tires on the car today!

The item-for-a-grade was a paper. Well, a memo. A faux legal memorandum in which we offer predictive analysis on a particular claim based on a set realm of case law. We've done two much smaller ones through the semester; of course those were much less angsty because, y'know, they didn't count, and before we turned in the final versions of them we had writing advisors help us fix big ugly problems. I must admit it's more nerve-wracking basing an entire analysis on the tests you've devised when you don't really know if your tests are correct!

Beyond the memo, things are rolling right along at school. Next Tuesday is the last day of classes, then our first final is the Tuesday after that. Fun fun fun!

Still Here

2008-11-19T23:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, I haven't posted in forever. The few days after the election when I allowed myself time to breathe on account of needing to recover, the process of recovery pretty much took most of what I had, and little was left for blogging. Honestly, little was left to say.

Once I began to recover substantially to have something to say, I remembered I was in law school and said, "Oh, SHIT." And have since been playing catchup.

So don't expect a lot of posts in the next few weeks.

But some brief updates:
- School is frantic. I'm not too frantic, but I'm not the frantic type. I'm the CT version of frantic. Everyone else, however, is having an aneurysm, which amuses me, because they're all further ahead of me in terms of work progress.
- It's still 90 degrees here half the time.
- I miss snow, and Pittsburgh, and my east people. No urgent pining or catastrophic emotional breakdown, I just miss y'all.
- LT now lives in Fullerton, which is in Orange County, where at election time there were Yes on 8 signs HANGING FROM THE BLEEPING TREES. But the apartment is really nice, and Fullerton itself has a not-bad feel to it, and LT's daily routine gets to include a train. And of course, we are happy to be relatively together again.
- The cats are doing well.
- I can't believe the Penguins are still playing hockey without me.
- Skype rocks! (HI MT!!!)
- The Cali Supreme Court granted review to determine the validity of Prop 8 (it is being challenged on the grounds that it was too substantial of a change to have gone through the amendment process, and should have instead gone through the more stringent revision process). Deadlines for various briefs and responses stretch until January 21, and word is that the hearing will likely be in March, with the decision sometime after that.
- The Steelers got the first 11-10 final score in NFL history (MGGramskyGramboski!! Hi!!) but it was cheapened because the TD that was disallowed on the last play should have been counted. Either way they won. I'm happier with the oddball score, but betting folks aren't.

That is all.

Emotion Cocktail, Mostly Bad

2008-11-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

Last night and this morning brought a ridiculous mix of emotions, not surprisingly. Also not surprisingly, most of them are negative. I'm happy that Obama won. I used to be ecstatic, but that was before other results started coming in. Driving to the No on 8 post-election party, before I heard any real results, I was shedding tears listening to Obama's acceptance speech on the radio. Shortly thereafter, I was shedding tears for a very different reason.

I can't help but feel a sense of bitterness about the Obama celebration. All the talk of hope, inclusion, moving forward, joining together, I can't help but feel that it's not meant to be everyone joining together. How can it be, when 3 out of 4 initiatives against gay marriage passed? How can it be, when Arkansas wanted so badly to exclude the GLBTQ community that it trampled on the lives and needs of helpless kids, by passing a measure that unmarried couples cannot adopt or serve as foster parents? Do you understand that? Do you understand that hundreds of kids in Arkansas will be denied perhaps their first chance at stability in their upside down lives, and it's because people hate gay people just that much? Come on people, this is shit they do in China! How can it be meant for everyone when Obama's own words speaking out against gay marriage provided the last bit of fuel that helped push Prop 8 to success?

How can it be, when the news this morning is filled with pictures of people celebrating, beaming with joy and glee, at their accomplishment of successfully stripping away the rights of millions of people they have never met, but spent tens of millions of dollars to oppress?

I'm sorry--I'm very happy that Obama won. I do believe he represents the best chance for this country to move forward and heal. From a social context, his victory is amazing, and historic, and not something I thought I would see in my lifetime; not just that he won, but HOW he won. But I don't believe right now that this party is for everyone.

Election Eve

2008-11-03T23:59:00.000-08:00

I usually don't do this, but I'm manipulating the timestamp on this post because it most assuredly needs to be labeled under Monday, Nov. 3rd.

So here it is, sometime after midnight the day before Election Day, when Prop 8 is getting voted on. Tomorrow we're doing a massive poll visibility action, dispatching volunteers to polls across California in supportive areas, taking one last stab at making sure undecided people have their questions answered, and supportive people actually know which way to vote. I'll be one of the dispatch captains for Santa Monica. The mix of emotions is ridiculous, and even though I need to be up in about 3 hours and 45 minutes, it's tough to sleep.

Of course first up is the anxiety. How could there not be anxiety, waiting for the verdict of whether all the people who care about equality and rightness in this world...OK, in this state...are willing to get up and vote for it? Waiting to see how many people out there still truly believe that I and my queer family are inherently wrong?

But there's way more than that. There is excitement, there is pride, there is happiness, there is love, there is just plain tired. There is the bittersweet realization that after tomorrow, I will have so much more time to reconnect with my "regular" life...the friends back home who have suffered from my hectic schedule, the neglected laundry and classwork, the day to day things that just don't get to happen when you're gone from morning till night most days. (A HAIRCUT!! WOOO!!!!) That's the sweet. The bitter is that I won't have this regular connection with the amazing people I've met through this campaign.

And oh, the people I've met through this campaign...when I realize what a short time it's been in the grand scheme of things, I'm amazed. It feels like I've spent years bonding with these people; it's been a month and a half. I've met, learned from, grown to love, and been inspired by so many amazing people, I hesitate to even name any names for fear that I'll leave someone out. But if there's one thing a law student's posts have, it's enumeration, so there you go.

The No on 8 staffers, many of whom moved themselves to California from across the country to pour their hearts and souls into this work. Aimee, who's been living out of the apartment of someone she didn't know before this campaign. Trystan, who is quite simply amazing and inspiring, and a beautiful example of how you can be true to yourself and who you are, and still make a living and do good in this crazy world. Stephen, another law student who found time (I don't know how) to join the No on 8 staff. The others, Anne Marie, Elizabeth and Dale, who I don't know quite as well but who are all phenomenally dedicated and warm people.

And my fellow volunteers, many of whom are from UCLA. Russell, who never says no and was out there even more than I was scouting polling locations on Halloween night. Mikael, who pulls all the strings on UCLA campus, and ALMOST made me misty eyed at the staff meeting this evening. Erik, who continually let himself be conned into more and more, including 5 1/2 hours to do the early voting, plus another hour or so of rallying. Isidro and Jason, an absolutely adorable couple, and beautiful people who make me light up when either of them enter the room. Jen, who is a fellow new-to-LAer. Oh man...see, I knew I was going to forget people... And of course LT, who has been ridiculously patient as I basically said, "Yay, you moved here! OK, I have to go [phone bank/volunteer/vote/rally/etc] now."

Anyway, no matter how tomorrow turns out, I know that tomorrow evening will be in my heart and in my memory forever. After the polls close and all is said and done, we're all headed to a campaign celebration type thing (hopefully victory party!) in Hollywood. It means so, so much to me to know that whatever happens, tomorrow night I'll be with these people that I've worked with so much, and who I know are so dedicated and beautiful and amazing. Whether we are celebrating together, holding each other up, or both, I'm glad I'll be with them.

Queers, This Vitriol is for You

2008-10-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

I realized last night one of the things that both angers me the most and breaks my heart the most about the whole Prop 8 thing. If we lose, a large reason is going to be apathy. Selfish, lazy, sad apathy.

Last night what happened was that I was confirming shifts with people who signed up to volunteer on election day. These were not cold calls. These were people who willingly gave their names and information, and said, "Yes, I care. I want to help." Doing the confirmations, mostly I just left messages (because people aren't prone to pick up when they see a crazy out-of-state number calling them), confirmed two people, and had two people back out. Those two people who backed out infuriated me more than all the people I talked to during the regular phone banking who said they were going to vote yes. At least the yes voters are honest, and are willing to stand up for what they believe in.

I sat there listening to their piss poor, obviously-fake excuses, their voices laced with apathy and flakiness, and felt my blood pressure skyrocketing. Really, considering all the work, time and money that so many other have put into this, one two hour training session, plus one three hour shift doesn't seem like a whole lot. Five hours of effort in exchange for equality and the civil protections that straight people take for granted...seems like a good deal to me.

I'm not sure why it took me so long to fully recognize the apathy that plagues us. For months now I've been face to face with people--members of the queer community and straight allies alike--who just couldn't be bothered to take the time to volunteer, spread the word, or exhibit anything more than a brief passing interest in this election. Give a few hours to phone bank. Donate the cost of your lattes for the week. Do something. Do anything. Please, give a shit.

It's the members of the queer community that get to me the most. This is YOUR life! These are YOUR rights! When proponents of Prop 8 are supporting the marriage ban, it is YOU they are talking about. They are saying that YOU are lesser, are morally wrong, are disgusting, are sinful, are repugnant, are diseased. YOU. It's pathetic how many times I've personally asked people, my friends and fellow queers to take an evening and phone bank, and watched them squirm as they stammer out their shitty excuses.

You can't be bothered to care about this? You can't be bothered to care that in areas that have passed anti-equality measures, it didn't just stop there--that the general climate for the minority group became significantly more negative overall? You don't care that if this passes, it will justify and legitimize discrimination? Really? Then fuck you, you deserve to be discriminated against. The rest of us, however, do not deserve to suffer at the hands of your selfish apathy.

If we lose this thing, I hope all those apathetic, lazy, selfish people take a moment on November 5th and realize that it's their fault. We will have lost because they couldn't be bothered to get off their asses, take a night off from clubbing, DVR Grey's Anatomy, and do something more than make a face at Prop 8. We will have lost because they told the world it was OK to treat us like shit.

It may sound harsh, but it's absolutely true. Studies have shown that the majority of people who are planning to vote yes are more passionate and more active than the majority of people who are planning to vote no. If we lose, it won't be because of numbers, it will be because of apathy. That's just fucking tragic.

Walls, Dinners, and Leaves

2008-10-25T23:49:00.000-07:00

You're in a new place, living a new life. You constantly have tons to do--the endless readings, needing to be ready for class discussions, papers to write. You have endless opportunities presented to you to do exactly what you've always wanted to do--actively work to make the world a better place. And you take them--how could you not?! Then suddenly, you find yourself in the middle of a huge fight, against people telling you to your face that they don't think you're equal. It's nothing personal, they hope you can still be friends, but they don't think you're deserving of the same rights as they are, that deep down they feel you are morally repugnant, and they are willing to spend tens of millions of dollars to prove it.

You find yourself in this fight, not where you are comfortable. Not in a place with your long time friends and family around you. True, with a strong number of budding new friendships, but not the time-tested, weathered ones that you can truly lean on. Not in a familiar place, with comforting changing leaves, soothing rainy days and invigorating crisp ones. But in a place with alien looking palms stretching starkly to the sky, and only bright, intense days. The rays of the sun call for constant energy, but little true relaxation.

And little by little you feel yourself losing pace. The water rises, centimeter by centimeter (which is odd, seeing as it never rains). The readings go from being read thoroughly before class, to read quickly before class, to now and then not being read before class, for those professors who don't cold call. Readings begin to take twice as long, because concentration comes hard, as well as staying awake. You hit rough spots in class and don't feel quite like the competent intelligent person you were convinced you were after the rousing convocation speeches. Exams begin to loom on the horizon, and with them the feeling that you should be doing more to prepare, even now. You're not doing enough. You don't remember the last time you got six hours of sleep. Your shoulders and neck turn into knots, and the headache from the stress, lack of sleep and poor blood flow becomes somewhat constant. The enthusiasm with which you tackled everything just a couple weeks ago is fading fast.

You tell yourself, it's just until the election. You're tired, and you're stretched a bit too thin, but the end is in sight. The hours of phone banks, debates, meetings, stress, and angst will be over on November 5th. All you need to do is find a way to push through these last two weeks, just stick it out, and you'll wake up November 5th with fewer obligations. But until then, every moment has to be productive. Every second has to be working towards the larger goals, whether it be school, new friendships, old friendships, or justice for someone somewhere.

And finally, fuck it. You just can't do it.

This is all a long and dramatic way of saying I really learned the value of taking a little time off this week. Friday rolled around, and I just couldn't do anything. No matter how much I wanted to insist on trying to write, read, work, or whatever, I was simply not going to be any good to anyone, anywhere. So after class ended, I caught the first bus home, slept for three hours in the middle of the day, then took the evening off with an amazing dinner out with some new friends, and some good old hockey. Today was back to work for most of the day, phone banking and school work, then a movie with some other new friends. (W...it was OK...given the subject matter, they didn't have to make a phenomenal movie, and it showed.)

Earlier this week I was talking to one of the faculty members at school, and he was asking how things were going. I said they were going OK, I was pretty tired and stressed from all the election work, and was looking forward to the election being over. He commented that yeah, it's a hard thing to learn how to balance yourself, and that it's not just now for the election, but it will always be this way. I didn't think too hard about it right at that time (too busy, ya know) but I realize now that he's right. It's not as though after this election there won't be anything else to work towards, no other causes that I'm passionate about, people who need help, justice that needs to be fought for. That's never going to happen in my lifetime. So, for this election, however it comes out, I'm certainly taking away the lesson that I'm only one person, and I'll need to work on my skills a bit when it comes to picking and choosing where and how thin to spread myself. It's a good lesson, that I'm grateful to have begun to learn without (hopefully) any consequences worse than stress headaches and sleep deprivation.

An added bonus is that in taking a bit of time off this weekend, I've gotten to begin to connect more with those budding new friendships. At school, it's been connecting and realizing that, while not everyone has quite the number of obligations I've committed myself too, we all have had our moments of feeling like the class dunce. We're all feeling overstressed, and we're all feeling like we're hitting a bit of a hump. At the election work, it's been connecting and realizing that these don't have to be transient acquaintances, but the beginnings of lasting bonds with amazing, hard working, passionate people.

And then, the feather in my rejuvenation cap, I got a package in the mail today, containing genuine, honest-to-goodness, Western PA leaves of various shades and colors, courtesy of MT. And along with a few minutes of misty eyes, they brought final added strength of remembering that even if we're on opposite sides of the country, the love and support I have with all those crazy people stretches infinitely.

Indulgent Satire

2008-10-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

In the whole Prop 8 issue, I've done my best to remain on the high ground of non-mockery, countering argument with argument, rather than with disdain and satire. However, I'm only human.

Now That's Service!

2008-10-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

Apparently sensing my frustration with having to use a Windows machine, however briefly, Apple put the pedal to the medal and got my computer done lickity split. So today I took an unexpected yet happy bus detour home to pick up my newly restored machine.

I just thought you should all know. I know you were probably all very concerned.

Now I must get back to reading. With all the election stuff going on, I need to take the study time where I can get it. Oh, and in case you haven't had it yet today, here's your daily dose of No on 8, with a nod to LesbianDad and Looky, Daddy!:

Now is the time to donate. Let your support be known.

Popup Blocker

2008-10-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I made it through my 12+ computerless hours; it was aided by the fact that I was in post-memo sleep deprivation, so I actually slept for a good eight of those hours. (Eight hours of sleep--unheard of!!) Factor in time cooking, eating, doing some reading, showering, and biking home yesterday, I only had an hour or so of jonesing.

I am now, however, missing my MAC. Not a computer, my Mac. The loaner laptops from the school are all Dells. When I switched to the Mac, I knew vaguely that I liked it better, but couldn't pinpoint for you why. Now that I'm using a Windows machine here for a bit again, I think I can do it better. I'll sum it up for you in one word.

Popup.

I've gotten more stupid popup messages in the hour and half that I've been on this laptop than I get in a month on the Mac. Would you like to do this? Watch out for that! Are you sure about this other thing? Really? No...I mean...really really?

And then there are the things it decides its going to do automatically without telling you. Such as, deciding behind the scenes that it's going to apply an update which requires a restart, so that in the heart of Torts class, as you are taking notes, it shuts down without warning as you are in mid-sentence.

Fun stuff, really! But, I shall not complain much--an old fogey like me is just amazed at the mere existence of a loaner laptop program to begin with. Young whippersnappers these days...I tell ya.

Withdrawal?

2008-10-20T17:45:00.000-07:00

For the last week or so, my computer has gotten very cranky, stubbornly refusing to admit that it has a keyboard and track pad, like a tempestuous four year old. The stubborn refusal part, not the keyboard and track pad part. So, I've had the joy of lugging around a separate USB mouse and keyboard for the last week in order to use it. Needless to say, the keyboard doesn't mesh too gracefully in the bag with all the big heavy law books.

After some back and forth, I have reached a magical confluence of events by which 1) the required new parts are at the repair store, 2) I am in an immediately-post-paper lull (just turned in a paper this morning), so this is not a horrendous time for me to be without my computer, 3) I have time tonight to detour on the way home to the Apple store to drop it off for repairs, and 4) I have a magical appointment with Apple for the 30 seconds it will take for me to say, "Here's my computer."

UCLA has a fantastically helpful IT department, so tomorrow morning, armed with a copy of the repair order showing that my laptop is undergoing surgery, they will loan me a temporary machine to use until I get mine back. The challenge is this: from 8:00 or so this evening until some time tomorrow morning, I will be sans computer. Unplugged.

Can I do it?

Will I make it?

Twelve hours with no email? No New York Times (oh wait...that comes in that paper stuff, doesn't it)? No WashBlade? No other-people's-blogs? No streaming radio?

Considering that for the last week I have loathed dealing with the external crap and have avoided using my laptop unless forced, it probably won't be a stretch. But it's funny to make fun of my internet dependence anyhow.

Again

2008-10-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

Well, if you enjoyed yesterday's bus story, here's a doozie.

Saturday morning I did phone banking for No on 8 on campus, then went to the law school the library closed at 6:00 and a crabby librarian shooed us out. I was cranky from a less-than-spectacular phone bank morning, combined with cranky librarian woman, so a couple friends and I decided to grab a couple drinks. I decided to leave my bag in my locker at the law building, and just grab it on the way back to catch the bus.

A good time was had with a couple margaritas, and I wasn't too concerned about catching the last trip of the bus that I normally take, which came around at slightly after 8:30. I knew there were other combos of busses I could take home, although catching that one would be a lot easier. As it turned out, I would have gotten it, except I had to get my bag from my locker. End result, I think I missed it by a few short minutes. And thus began the set of dominos...

I waited at the bus stop for at least another half hour or 40 minutes for a different bus that I could take. I had to take that one east to Hollywood, then another one south to my neighborhood. The bus finally came, with tons of entertainment in the form of five drunk guys speaking some indistinguishable foreign language, and old guy with two teeth speaking indistinguishable English, and a somewhat normal-ish looking woman who was practically cowering in a ball trying to ignore them. The drunk guys got booted for drinking on the bus, at which point the toothless guy turned his attention to the woman and decided he was going to give her a book, and insisted on her taking it. She turned to me, laughing about the book, at which point I realized she was missing about half of her teeth as well. Must've been a toothless full moon or something.

I get off the bus in Hollywood, hanging out at Sunset and Vine on a Friday night with a somewhat large "No on Prop 8" (aka, I'm A Giant Queer) sign. Yeehaw. Most of this time I was on the phone with LT, but without warning my cell phone ran out of battery, and the last thing she heard was me cursing because I realized I must have dropped my bus pass on the first bus while laughing about the toothless guy. Wherever I dropped it, it sure wasn't on me anywhere. And, I had spent the rest of my cash getting drinks earlier. At any rate, I figured the last thing she heard was, "Shit...aw, fuck," then silence, and would be convinced that I was dead.

Happily, there was an ATM on the corner, and a nearby Borders books that was open late. The Borders chick refused to just give me change for the $20 I got from the ATM for the bus, so I got myself a yummy 50 cent chocolate treat to get change, and bought time on the Borders wireless network while waiting for the next bus (luckily the wireless signal reached across the street to the bus stop), so that I could let LT know I was still alive and safe, just incompetent.

The last bus came, and with no further eventful stories, about 2 1/2 hours after missing that first bus by 5 minutes, I finally made it home.

Missed the Bus

2008-10-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

Yeehaw, I missed the bus. I was at the bus stop at 6:45, when I realized I forgot a book in the student lounge. I thought this bus was supposed to leave the transit terminal at 6:45, which would put it here rought at around 6:55, so I would have time to go back and get it. I got it, and was back by 6:53. (Yes, I checked.) Then I sat. And I waited.

And I grew suspicious.

And I realized, no, it's the one that comes in the 7:00 hour that leaves at :45. The one in the 6:00 hour leaves the transit station at :35. Which meant it came by the bus stop during the eight minutes I was running back in to get my book. And in case you didn't piece together the time math up above, the next one won't be by until 7:55 or so.

So in the meantime, the UCLA wireless network extends across the street to the bus stop I'm sitting at, so I decided to write you guys a post about missing the bus. My next step might just be to get on whatever bus comes by next, whichever one it may be. (There really aren't too many that stop here, so that's not as adventurous as it sounds.)

Oh! But I can also share with you some fun bus stories I've accumulated in the couple months I've been here so far.

- There is TV on the bus here. I'm not kidding. It doesn't play shows, it's just all tiny tiny news blurbs, and ads for Spanish-language serials.

- The "Alpha and Omega" guy. He's gotten on a few times that I've been on. His deal is to get on, then stop in the aisle and loudly pronounce that we all ought to be praising God, the creator, the kind, the supreme lord of us all. Then randomly during his ride he'll make more such pronouncements. I was OK with him until he started talking about alpha and omega...few good things happen after someone starts talking about alpha and omega, I think.

- Listening to the bus driver and a passenger debate the athletic merits of USC vs. UCLA. They started off normally, football, basketball, then jumped right to the water polo teams. WTF?

- Two guys from Florence who were a bit confused about where they should get off, and I was able to help them with the fading remnants of my rudimentary Italian.

- The new bus driver who missed a turn, so to get back on the route we ended taking the giant behemoth bus down these tiny, steep side streets in Hollywood. I was very grateful for air brakes. The looks on the faces of passersby were fantastic.

- We passed a long flexi-bus that got stuck. In another missed-turn case, the driver was attempting to make a u-turn in an intersection. After shouting to the other driver to see if she was OK, other driver explained that the middle flexi part has a sensor in it, where if it becomes bent at too sharp of an angle, it cuts off the engine. There's a button that the driver can push to override it and re-start the bus. "But apparently she doesn't know about that." You will notice, however, that he didn't offer this helpful tidbit of info to the other driver.

Public Transit Is Fun For Everyone!

Here Is Why

2008-10-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

Here are two stories to help folks understand why defeating Prop 8 is so important. Are these stories blatant guerrilla heart-tugging techniques? Yes. But that doesn't change the fact that they are also REAL.

The story of Janice Langbehn and Lisa Marie Strong. In February, 2007, Janice and three of the couple's children were denied hospital visitation rights and medical power of attorney as Lisa lay dying of a brain aneurysm in a hospital in Florida, having collapsed from a stroke during a family vacation over 3,000 miles from their home in the northwest. Despite having all required legal documents faxed to the hospital, over the course of eight hours Janice was allowed to see Lisa for only five minutes, and that thanks to the kindness of a priest who let her be present for last rites. The children were never permitted to see her, even though they were all her legally adopted kids. Lisa died alone in the hospital room, while her family sat in the waiting room.

The story of Charlene Strong and Kate Fleming. In December, 2006, Charlene was initially denied hospital visitation rights and was later denied the right to make funeral arrangements when Kate drowned in a flash flood in the basement of their home in Seattle. The hospital only permitted Charlene to see Kate after contacting Kate's sister in Virginia. The funeral director would not even look at Charlene, let alone listen to her instructions as to Kate's wishes. Charlene later testified to the Washington state legislature about their story, which was considering a bill to provide some limited rights to same-sex couples; members of the legislature credited her testimony as the turning point in their decision to vote for the bill.

Lastly, not wanting to leave you on a totally negative note, here's an awesome video. It's not every day you get to see a straight Republican politician break down in tears as he explains why he has changed his previous stance and decided to back gay marriage. Here's your chance, with San Diego mayor Jerry Sanders.

Note: This was from about a year ago, and Mayor Sanders has been RE-elected since taking this stand.

See that thermometer? It's not to late to donate and help!

Please.

2008-10-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

I feel a little dirty, but I've officially decided to become an all-out No on Prop 8 beggar.

Here's the deal. Thanks to the California Supreme Court, same sex couples have marriage equality in California. The court ruling was based on the premise that discrimination based on sexual orientation violates the state constitution, so anti-gay-rights folk have a proposition on the ballot in November which would ban gay marriage at the constitutional level in California.

I have been volunteering with No on Prop 8, the Equality for All Campaign, to defeat this proposed amendment and keep our equal civil rights. This election will impact the momentum of the GLBTQ rights movement across the country, not just here in California. Both sides know this, and as a result, both sides are organizing and fundraising nationwide. The bummer is that so far, they are winning.

If you were not among the lucky few to get my shameless email asking for money, consider that oversight remedied here: Please donate. See my little thermometer thing on the left side of my blog? Click on it! $5...$10....$30....whatever you can give.

If you know people in California, TALK TO THEM. If they are uncertain, point them to me or to No on Prop 8 for more information. If they are supportive of equal rights, please urge them to not be complacent. All indications are that this will be a close election, and we don't want to lose because supporters thought it would be a shoe-in and didn't go vote.

If this post sounds urgent and babbly, it's because that's about how I'm feelin' right about now. I spent all my organized communication abilities on my last school memo.

Kindergarten Had It Right

2008-10-07T11:13:00.000-07:00

I don't actually remember if my kindergarten had a nap time (I kind of think it didn't actually) but people always talk about naps in kindergarten, so I'm just going to go with it for this post. Between classes this morning, I made a conscious decision to head to one of the library reading couches to do my best cat impression...stretched out in a patch of sun streaming through the window for an hour nap.

Really, every day should involve naps. Whether you're a student, working in an office, whatever...everyone should get naps. Life is just better after a nap.

What Palin Actually Said...or, Didn't Say

2008-10-05T11:31:00.000-07:00

Since the VP debate, I've seen more than one piece of commentary that actually seems to buy into the bizarre notion that Palin and the McCain campaign support equal rights for same sex couples.

This is categorically not what Palin said in the debate.

Let me repeat that like a debate participant.

This is categorically NOT what Palin said in the debate.

The part that seems to be confusing people is the end of the discussion on the topic, which wasn't actually Palin agreeing with Biden/Obama's overall stance, but was Palin attempting what I thought was a very naked and disingenuous dodge of the issue. Boiled to its essence, here was the exchange leading up to her final statement:

Biden: If I'm hearing Palin right, she is saying that the McCain administration also supports full civil equality for same sex couples, with no civil difference between heterosexual couples and same sex couples.

Moderator (to Palin): Is that what you said?

Palin: I don't support gay marriage. He doesn't, and I don't, so on that point we agree.

At the time, I saw this as a blatant dodge of the question of whether she supports civil equality for same-sex couples. She didn't want to say no, but she also could not truthfully say yes, so she avoided the question and brought it back to gay marriage, which is not the same question. The moderator made the tongue-in-cheek statement "Great, so you agree," which I saw as a wry comment pointing to the fact that Palin didn't actually answer the question.

There were only two moments that Palin actually spoke to civil rights for same sex couples. At the beginning of her answer when she said she would not support equal civil rights to the extent that it would blur the line of marriage, and again when she gave the example that no one in a McCain/Palin administration would argue that someone should not be able to see their partner in the hospital. To the hospital example, I'd like to point out THAT IS THE STATUS QUO. If you are not pushing for equal civil rights for same sex couples, then you are saying that you are OK with this situation.

At no point in her "answers" did Palin state that she and McCain support equal civil rights for same-sex couples. Never. Not once. However, people seem to be pointing to that last exchange and to the moderator's wry comment, and actually thinking it was a literal summation of what was said.

What I thought was going to happen is that, even though she obviously was not saying the campaign supported equal rights, the McCain campaign would furiously issue retractions clarifying that they did not agree with the Obama campaign, not wanting to alienate the conservative base. I see now that I was pretty naive, both in thinking that it would be clear to many that she didn't actually agree, and in thinking that the McCain campaign would clear up any confusion. How silly of me...no, this confusion can work to their benefit. I now can see the following strategy being very likely (although at this early juncture I don't know if they are going to do this): Quietly reassure supporters in private that their "values" are safe, but in the broad, general media, just leave the subject alone and let those less concerned continue with the wrong impression. There is so much else going on, the mainstream media is not likely to push the issue and press for clarification or a firmer statement.

Now, do I think this issue is going to decide the election? No. Do I think anyone is going to change their minds based on whether this confusion is cleared up one way or another? No. But it's the principle of the thing. So here is my small part in the effort to make sure this confusion is not allowed to continue.

Metablog*

2008-10-01T10:38:00.001-07:00

*Updated 3/25/09 to redact my rashness.

It should be pretty darn clear by now that my poor little blog is going to suffer from my jaunt through law school. I make no apologies or excuses...whatever. It's reality. What I've found is interesting, though, is that the longer I go without a post, the more pressure I feel to make sure my first post back is really good, impactful, insightful, etc. Which of course I'm not going to live up to because these days that would mean that pretty much every post needs to be really impressive, because every post seems to be ending a gap of silence. So the self-induced pressure for a really great post builds up, which actually extends the gap of silence because I'm hesitant to just jot down a note during a spare couple of minutes.

So right now I'm sitting in Torts and in a rare event we aren't going over new material, but doing a review exercise matching fact patterns. So my mind is wandering, so I thought I'd take this time to write this post in Text Edit, to be posted later, and give you a spectacularly unimpressive post about posting to break this silence. And then see how many times I could put the word "post" in one sentence. I hope you enjoyed this small insight into the hallowed halls of UCLA School of Law.

Ahh...Football

2008-09-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

Ah yes...with everything else that has changed over the last few months, it's nice to have good old sports. Fall = Football. Football! I can't say that it's exactly the same, because it's a little wrong when Sunday Night Football starts at 5:00. But still, ahh...the weekend rolls around and it's good old four downs, 100 yards, kickoffs, field goals and yelling at the refs.

The Steelers were on Sunday Evening Football this weekend which meant national TV, even out here in LaLa Land. Football in rotten weather, wind and rain swirling around. Just a little piece of home coming through the boob tube.

Watching the Steelers beat the Browns....ah, some things really do never change.

Just wait and see how happy I am when hockey season rolls around!

Oh Yeah...I'm in Law School!

2008-09-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

Right...I have a blog. Hello!

So the one thing I haven't posted about (yes, just the one thing) is the whole reason I'm out here in the first place - law school! A bunch of people ask me how school is, and I give them all the same corny, drippy, silly answer: Absolutely fantastic. On so many levels.

The easiest is the return to academia. I've always said I was born to be a professional student, and I still think that's true. Listening, reading, absorbing, this is all right up my alley, and I get it in giant huge bunches here. The classes and the material are hugely challenging. The work is tough, and often being in the spotlight in class makes you squirm, but it's clear that the spotlight is there to challenge you and make you better.

On a deeper level, the atmosphere at UCLA is better than I ever imagined. The stereotypical image of law school is stuffy and tradition-oriented. The first year, the only goal is to weed out the weak; classes are handled with half an eye towards teaching, and half an eye towards getting the unfit to crack and fail miserably. Some schools cut as much as the bottom third of their students after the first year. Innovative thinking may be allowed as you progress (or maybe not) but in the first year, you're not presumed to have enough of a brain to think your own thoughts. These cultures also create a fierce competition among students, as everyone frantically struggles to step on everyone else so as to not be at the bottom. For those who aren't worried about being on the cut list, everyone else is an obstacle in the way of your six figure firm job. As far as public interest work goes, every school pays lip service to it, but the feel is more that we owe it to chip in a few hours of pro bono work now and then, and let the little people have a taste of our brilliance.

Much to my surprise, at UCLA I've found myself able to put the words "law school" and "nurturing" into the same sentence. Right from the get-go, the culture has been positive, supportive, and encouraging. The convocation speeches were a giant pep talk, all about how, as we go through stress and uncertainty in the next few years, remember that we rock, the school rocks, the faculty and administration rock, and when we get done we'll be able to do thinks that rock. (In contrast, MG's description of her convocation speeches was: "The next three years will be hell and a bunch of you will either die or fail.") Over and over, we hear the message that if we need support--whether personal or academic--the faculty, administration and other students are here to help us. They make no bones that the next three years will be difficult and won't always be fun, but they make it equally clear that their goal is not to break us, but to push us to excel. There is no thought of separating the wheat from the chaff.

This atmosphere of support spills over into the student body. Yes, there are those who are still hyper-competitive and gunning for that firm job. There is a mandatory curve on the first year, although the thought of mandatory cuts is downright absurd here. But there also seem to be just as many students who have no interest in such competition and mistrust. Help is offered freely, notes are shared, tips and tricks are passed around, class outlines obtained from a 2L or 3L are forwarded along for others' benefit. Although not everyone shares it, enough students feel that there's room for all of us to be successful in the end. One person's success doesn't come at another's expense. That feel is also passed along by older students and alumni. We've heard repeated often that the next three years are only as cutthroat as we make them.

As far as public interest and innovation go, this is where it is singularly personally fulfilling for me. UCLA has twice the percentage of graduates that go into public interest work as many other schools (8% vs. 4%), and this is a reflection of the academic and extracurricular activities they have here, and the effort that they put into developing a solid culture of progressive, social justice-oriented thinking. These opportunities are available from the start; even though we can't do anything academically yet (all 1Ls have a standard class schedule), they immediately welcome us in and encourage us to begin making connections. The number one detriment to law students maintaining their ambitions of social justice is the larger culture of law as a means to a lucrative career and personal gain. The programs here recognize this and provide us a place to meet others who are like minded right from the get-go. And, they encourage students to come up with their own ideas and actively contribute to both the administration and the activities of the school. I've counted at least four different legal clinics so far that only just started over the last few years, entirely at the initiative of students who saw a need and had the support of the school to try to fill it.

Aside from the obvious reasons that this is fulfilling, for me it's a dream come true. Going back to school, I expected the next three years to be a necessary evil to my eventual goal of working in a social justice capacity. I figured it would be three years of swimming almost entirely against the grain, with occasional support here or there, finding my own way among a culture pursuing purely corporate and political aspirations, with little opportunity to have immediate impact. Instead, everything has been exactly the opposite, even in terms of immediate work.

A month and a half ago, I was sitting in my cube feeling like actual work to do good was a million miles away. Then I got here and find that everything I've ever wanted to do is in my immediate grasp. "You want to change things? Here. You want to help people? Here. You see things you don't agree with? Here." Next week I'm going to my first clinic, helping rehabilitated (-ing) ex-convicts navigate legal hurdles in the course of getting re-established in society. I'm also signed up this semester to work a few days at a mobile legal clinic that sets up at a local food bank, helping people there address problems they've had such as minor offenses related to homelessness, and denial of rightful benefits. As if that wasn't enough, I'm also slated for a third clinic that helps people with HIV and AIDS find and keep affordable, livable housing.

And oh yeah, I go to class, too.

At any rate, this post has become ridiculous. I'm sure you have something to go do, and I certainly have reading to do. To quote something I saw recently (although I'll be damned if I can remember where...maybe LT?) I can't promise to try to post more often, but I promise to try to try!

With All Due Respect to MG

2008-09-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

MG, I love that we can agree to disagree.

And I love Jon Stewart. Nods of thanks to LesbianDad for posting this.

Let's All Pause for a Moment

2008-09-01T14:25:00.003-07:00

...and cry for Diddy, or whatever he has decided to go by this week. No, really--let's be sad for him. Forget the 47 million Americans without health insurance. Forget the people in the Gulf who couldn't even worry about their homes being washed away by Gustav because they were still living in FEMA trailers three years after Katrina. Forget the kids struggling in areas with impoverished tax bases that can't support adequate school systems, whose families don't have the luxury of turning to private school. Forget the 400,000 dead and millions displaced in Darfur. Forget the people starving in the midst of food crises throughout Africa and parts of Asia.

Yes, instead let's be sad for Diddy because he has to fly first class. I mean, I know when I was worriedly checking the news this morning to see what was happening in the Gulf, I quickly forgot all about such mundane matters when I saw this heartbreaking news.

And also, let's all be thankful to Diddy for settling the confusion over whether or not fuel prices had gotten really high. The millions of people struggling just to fill their tanks, let alone cope with the rising costs of all manner of goods and services, will be happy to no longer have to wonder.

State of Affairs

2008-08-26T14:56:00.002-07:00

In making this big move to the left coast, I thought I was going to be presented with an interesting shift to this blog--from introspection/commentary to news delivery. I'm doing my darnedest to keep in touch with all the folk back east, but as you can imagine law school keeps one a bit busy, even when not combined with moving across the continent. So, I really started feeling the need to put some basic, bald news up here. That posed a problem on several fronts, 1) I feel like it puts me in danger of feeling less responsible for communicating with people directly, 2) it's not the purpose of this blog, and 3) if I spend all my time trying to communicate daily (weekly, whatever) news, I risk losing the random ruminations on thins, which I really like doing.

A week into law school, though, I am realizing that this won't be an ongoing problem. "Why?" you ask. Well, let's put it this way: as far as straight news goes, while the last couple weeks have been an absolutely thrilling whirlwind of activity and goings on, there really won't be a whole lot to say about endless hours spent in a law school library. It's not exactly gripping reading.

So, for now, I will do what I can to balance the newsy and non-newsy pressures.

For the news, last Tuesday my roommate, SL, and I got all moved into our apartment, which is really very cool. It's pretty big and seems to be very well maintained--the guys did a more thorough job of patching/painting/cleaning than anywhere else I've ever lived. It's also in a much older house than I expected to find in this area. I think it was built in either the 10's or 20's, and as a result has a lot of really neat built-in details and considerations that you don't generally find in your usual house built these days--cupboards built into the walls, decorative edging, etc. The doors that open out onto our little balcony are very distinctly not-modern as well, and the wooden window and door frames are incredibly well preserved.

Unpacking has progressed at a ridiculously slow pace for me. Last week didn't really afford much time, what with trying to get situated, actually moving in, starting classes, etc. Over the weekend I had intended to do much more than did, but in the end after the insanity of my last few weeks at work, driving across the country, etc., I just took a couple days and let my mind vegetate. This coming up weekend is a long weekend, so even if I don't make much progress again through this week, come next weekend I won't have an excuse!

There is also the minor news detail that, oh yeah, I started law school, but my reading assignments call so you'll just have to wait for any real info on that one. Suffice to say, "I started law school."

Two fantastic factoids about where I'm living that I will close with, to satisfy my love for imparting completely un-newsworthy things:

1) I live on the 2nd floor, with entry doors at both the top and bottom of my stairs. At the top of the stairs is a handle sticking out of the wall. If you pull the handle, it actually closes the door at the bottom of the stairs. So, if you come home and have a big armful of groceries or whatever, you don't have to try to juggle everything to close the door. Go upstairs, put the stuff down in the apartment, and pull the handle. (In the interests of full disclosure, I must admit that we can't practically use it--the door at the bottom of the stairs is the main secured entrance to the apartment and it locks by deadbolt, which the handle can't help you with. All the same, I think this handle is the funnest thing ever.)

2) I live in the heart of LA. On a residential street, yes, but still in the middle of a primarily concrete jungle, buildings lined up like sardines, on street parking maxed out on most streets, the middle of one of the biggest cities in the country. Of all the things I expected to encounter in this environment, a rooster certainly was not one of them. And yet. It's far enough away somewhere that it doesn't wake me up, but days when I'm up already I'll hear that unmistakable crow.

Road Bests

2008-08-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

I didn't have too much time to write about the actual drive, because I was busy driving, so for posterity's sake here's a small recap. A little list of the "greatests" that I came across on my trip across the country. In order of occurrence (or first occurrence, as the case may be):

Greatest Irritation: Dollar limits on gas station credit card transactions, forcing you to execute two transactions to fill a large tank.

Greatest Religious Sign: On I-74 in Indiana, "Abortion Is Forever. Choose Life." Yeah, because, y'know, that life thing is pretty temporary. Or maybe they're implying that you can always change your mind and whack the kid later... ??

Even Greatest-er Irritation: Gas stations that don't let you use the same card over again for the second transaction, forcing you to use a different one.

Greatest Factoid from NPR: The three most popular flavors of ice cream in Japan are eel, cheese and octopus.

Greatest Radio Annoyance: Coming across the Pina Colada song three times, all within Missouri.

Greatest Roadkill: Coyote

Greatest Moment of Disgust: Realizing that the first hotel room I got in Tulsa had apparently been used as a daytime refuge by employee, friend of an employee, or some other resourceful stranger. Most of the room was OK, but the bedspread had been pulled off of one bed, and most lovely was the pee on the toilet.

Second Greatest Moment of Disgust: Hopping out of the truck to get gas in western Oklahoma and landing in a big wad of chew that had been spit on the ground.

Greatest View of Weather Phenomena: Seeing virga from miles away across the landscape

Greatest Scenery: New Mexico Route 185 heading north from I-40 to Santa Fe.

Greatest Circus Sideshow: Digging Tiki out of the boxspring that she hid in while in Santa Fe.

Greatest Town/Exit Name: To'hajiilee (New Mexico)

Greatest Understatement: Said by woman wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt at a rest stop in northern Arizona at 5:00 in the afternoon in August, "It's hot here."

Greatest Shock: Agricultural inspections at the California border. I had no problems, but it was somewhat jarring to have a checkpoint where all cars were stopped and searched (albeit lightly), including the official asking to take a look in the back of my truck. Makes you realize how much we take for granted the concept of free travel within the country.

Greatest Success: Getting the cats across country with little incident or difficulty, scarcely a month after they couldn't even go to the vet's without ending up covered in their own excrement.

Nothing Says "Welcome" Like the DMV

2008-08-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

Today was my first full day as a resident of Los Angeles, and most of it was spent at that ambassador that all states have, that official welcome mat laid out to new residents all across the country, the Department of Motor Vehicles.

The first frustration was parking - namely, it was inadequate, the fact that it was inadequate foreshadowed the long wait inside, and the people in the parking lots should have all had their licenses immediately revoked for sheer madness. The second frustration was finally finding parking only to realize that I had left my bag, which had my insurance card and birth certificate, in the rental truck.

You know it's going to be bad when the line just to get a number is about 45 minutes long. All told, six hours of life today was dedicated to securing a California driver's license and motor vehicle registration. Perhaps 45 minutes of it was spent parking and going back to get my bag. About a half hour was spent getting my car tested for emissions. I'll be generous and say maybe 15 minutes of it was spent at actual counters talking to people and having things processed. The other 4 1/2 hours of it was spent waiting. Waiting to get a number. Waiting for my number to be called.

The number one frustration by far was this inane policy that they are only able to process one transaction per trip to the window. Need to do two things (such as license and registration)? Go through all lines twice. I got to the counter, and when told I had to pick which one to do, picked the car registration. Not knowing beforehand that I needed the smog certificate and something called a "car verification," I realized that strictly speaking I would need to go back through TWO more times - once with the required car papers, and again for my license. The woman said, "Well, it's really quick to finish the registration once you have the papers so they can just go ahead and do it."

I came back with smog certificate and car verification in hand (I know...Lancer passed Cali's smog standards...I'm as shocked as you are), ran through the line gauntlet yet again, and once again got slapped with "I can only do one transaction." Fortunately, the woman who I had the first time overheard and told me to just come to her counter when I was done with the license...grazie a dio.

I still have to go back to take the written test for the license. (Apparently when the sign says no tests will be administered after 4:30, that doesn't mean they will be administered up until 4:30.) But everything else is done - photos, plates, fees, inspections, verifications, transactions, numbers, venting. Most importantly, this written test can be done without a number. And it's only one transaction.

Angeleno

2008-08-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

Voila! I have arrived in LA. My last post was from Tuesday night in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Wednesday was a "short" (er) drive from Tulsa to Santa Fe, passing through the rest of Oklahoma, the top of Texas, and the first half or so of New Mexico. About the only good thing I can really say about OK and TX was that the humidity calmed down as I went further west. Oh, and Texas looked like it had really well maintained rest stops, for what it's worth. I ended up not stopping at all in Texas, but when I stopped in Oklahoma for gas, I jumped out of the truck and landed square in a huge wad of chewing tobacco that someone had spit out. Yum...

In Santa Fe, once again sM provided lodging, this time on the other side of the country where he happened to be visiting his girlfriend. What luck! As much as Tulsa was humid and bug-ridden, Santa Fe was absolutely gorgeous! Likewise for the drive through New Mexico to get there. My favorite part was getting off I-40 to take a two-lane road to get up to the Santa Fe area, rather than going all the way to Albequerque and then backtracking up I-25. It really cut right through a lot of the gorgeous scenery that you usually only see from afar on the interstate. I attempted some pictures, but really the beauty is in the whole vista, something a point-and-click digital doesn't have a prayer of capturing.

Then Thursday was the long haul from Santa Fe to LA, with the option to stop in Needles, CA, if need be. By the time Needles came along it was only 6:00, so on the Penske truck went, arriving in Los Angeles around 10:30 or so Pacific time.

I'm happy to say the furkids were troopers the entire ride, with only a small bout of infighting right at the end. I didn't blame them for the last bit--the last day was really long and hard on them, and they were at the end of their little kitty ropes. The temporary apartment my roommate and I are staying in until our actual apartment is ready is a loft-style place, and all the open area has them a little on edge after the stress of the travel, but they're doing OK.

Greetings from Tulsa

2008-08-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

A quick note on the second day of my drive across the country. Things have gone very well so far--the cats have slept most of the time, and the truck is great. I had braced myself for a long drive in a rotten truck, but it is relatively new, has a CD player, not just a radio (which means the money I spent on a transmitter to plug into my MP3 player was wasted, but oh well). Anyone looking for a long distance move, I highly recommend Penske. I know it's partly dumb luck, but the truck is in great shape, the people were really nice, I got a free upgrade to a car carrier instead of a tow dolly (they didn't have the tow dolly on hand), they didn't charge me for the furniture pads that were in the back of the truck, and they gave me a AAA discount even though I don't have AAA. Word.

States I went through today which I'd never been to were Missouri and Oklahoma, but although I've been to Indiana and Illinois before, nowhere near the path I took through those states today. The highway skirted Indianapolis too much to get any view of the city, but I did go right through St. Louis--frighteningly close to rush hour, but traffic wasn't bad at all. And I snapped some pictures of the Arch! I was very surprised at how hilly Missouri was--I never really thought about it, but I guess I presumed everything west of Columbus was flat. Now that I think about it, I realize Missouri is never talked about as a plains state. Come to think of it, Missouri is never really talked about... Oklahoma, however, has provided some of the flatness I expected.

All in all, I gotta say, not a fan of the middle of America so far, at least not this part. Missouri and Oklahoma thus far have been insanely humid, and with so many bugs that there were times I swore it was drizzling, and the noise I heard was the patter of drops on the roof. Nope, it was the patter of bugs going splat. Yummy.

Besides the bugs, the only hitch so far was a 45- to 60-minute delay on I-70 west of Indianapolis, where we sat on the highway due to a wreck up ahead. If that's the worst thing that happens on this trip, I'll be ecstatic.

No Title Fits This Post

2008-08-11T04:37:00.000-07:00

Too often in our lives, the various things we need for happiness and fulfillment don't quite mesh. We're left making choices which, while we feel they are the right ones, have an inevitable element of bittersweetness. We're left trying to balance the things we ~~want~~ need, the things we ~~want~~ need to do, the people we ~~want~~ need to be with. But there's never enough time. There are never enough dinners, coffee walks, breakfasts, movies, evenings spent running errands, or hugs. There never could be; those things could be infinite in supply and there would still not be enough.

The paths we feel a need to follow never have absolutely everything we ~~want~~ need, and we have the unhappy task of making the best of it.

Even though I'm driving away from this place and these people, I will never leave.

Waiting

2008-08-06T12:21:00.000-07:00

Cats have an excuse. You can't explain to them, "Here's what's going on, and why, and you guys will be OK no matter what; I'll keep you safe." Well, you can try, but they don't speak quite that much human. All they know is that their whole life disappeared with a flurry of boxes and a big noisy truck.

And they are kinda freaked out.

I, on the other hand, don't have this excuse. I know what's going on--I made it all happen. On purpose. I know vaguely what is coming down the road and why. And most of the time, I'm doing OK with it all. Every now and then, though, all I know is that my whole life disappeared with a flurry of boxes and a big noisy truck.

And I'll admit to being kinda freaked out.

I truly appreciate the kindness of those who are helping me out, especially MT who from day one said I was welcome to stay with her. But I admit I'll be grateful for the end of this week. Pretty much all I have to do these days is sit and wait, and think about how much I'm going to miss Pittsburgh and the life I had built here. Once in a while, Whiskey comes up to me and paws my arm, and looks up at me with an expression that seems to ask, "Where did home go? Why did we leave it?" I know the answer, but when all there is to do is ponder the question, your confidence in the answer is shaken. It's not exactly doubt, it's just being kinda freaked out.

Seethe

2008-08-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

An acquaintance of mine is putting together a photography show, originally planned to be a display of queer female-bodied people in relationships. She started out with the expressed goal of showing couples of all kinds, combinations and identities.

I had thought LT and I would be a fun addition to the show. Not only would we be supporting a young photographer in her first show, but we are probably a fairly rare (at least rare in Pittsburgh) example of a couple comprised of two female-bodied people both with alternate gender identities. Unfortunately, by the time we learned about the show LT was gone from Pittsburgh, so half of the couple was missing.

After a little while, though, the photographer had some difficulty getting quite enough couples, and began including some individuals. So, I volunteered to be photographed, because I figured I could provide a unique subject that is a bit scarce in these parts, thereby allowing her to represent a wider range of identities in the show. She was grateful--she told me that the vast majority of people agreeing to be in the show were femmy, obviously female-identified people. She did have one other person who often performed in drag, but that was about it in terms of alternate expressions of identity.

Today, she called and said that she had decided not to include either me or the drag performer. Her reasoning was that all the other pictures were going to be of happy, smiling, romantic women, and these just wouldn't fit.

Really, just typing those words makes me fucking MAD!

I tried explaining to her that presenting with a trans identity wasn't all drum glum seriousness, that actually discovering this and being free to be who you are is a happy thing. I had actually very much been looking forward to being able to have representation of happy trans people--I would've been downright ecstatic if LT had been here and we could have had pictures of two alternately-gendered people happily being together.

It wouldn't sink in. She used the cop out that with just a few pictures of trans identities in the show, she wouldn't be doing them justice, it would be an insufficient representation of "the subject".

OK, so not representing trans people at all IS sufficient? It IS doing us justice? F that S. Seriously, if you want to do a photo shoot that is just women-identified people, that's fine--you're the artist, you have the right to put in your show whatever you want, and leave out whatever you want. But don't tout that it's an inclusive show to represent all varieties of identity, then leave out the ones that you're not comfortable with and don't understand. And then make it sound like you're doing us a fucking favor by leaving us out.

NOT.

COOL.

Transition, Dependence, Humility, Empowerment

2008-08-01T20:31:00.001-07:00

To be quite honest, I don't even know when the last time was that I posted - and at this particular moment I'm too lazy to go look and see what it was.

*the next moment*

OK, we all know I was too anal to not go and look.

So the last time I posted I was just beginning to pack up my apartment. It's almost a week later, and since then I've gotten my apartment all packed up, everything put into storage, the apartment cleaned out, and yesterday I turned in my keys and officially became a roving vagabond. Alright, perhaps that's a bit hyperbolic, but hopefully this will be the closest I'll ever come to being a drifter, so I'm trying to live it up while I can.

There are so many things rolling around in my head that I've thought about posting about...some funny observation, some just plain factual to keep everyone up to speed on where I am (including myself), some deeper observation, and on and on. On any one of these things I could type far longer than any of you could read...heck, I'm accomplishing that with just the meta-commentary.

Today's post is coming from the second of many nights on several different futons, provided by the greatest generosity of my friends MT and sM. This very unique period of transition has put me in a position to be far more dependent on the graciousness of others than perhaps I ever have been before. At least, that I'm cognizant of. People helping me move. People giving me a place to lay my head. People offering advice on a new endeavor, and moving somewhere I know nothing about. People being my constant cheerleaders. People providing 2nd- and 3rd-degree of separation contacts in a far away place. ("You probably won't need this, but just in case you're in a tough spot and need a contact, here's so and so.") People offering amazingly generous gifts that in good conscience I can't accept.

People letting me know I'll be missed.

For a little bit (especially on moving day) I was busy focusing on the people who were failing to come through when I needed them. Look at all these people who are bailing...what does this really say? A few days removed (and blood less boiled), I've had time to reflect on the other side of that coin, and think about these wonderful people who HAVE come through...and what THAT means. I'm realizing, this position of extreme dependence is a humbling and empowering position all at once.

I'll stay away from the cliche that it's humbling to not be able to provide things like your own roof over your head (although it is). Rather, it's humbling to realize there are this many people with this much love for you. Humbling? You ask. Yep.

The rise of a special occasion like this highlights the daily consideration, thought and love that you get from all these people who are now going above and beyond. It makes you take pause, and notice all these people who contribute to the richness of your everyday life, and even when they are not filling such notable favors, all these people without whom your everyday life would not be what it is. Humbling to see the love all around you which helps to hold you up from day to day.

And therein also lies the empowerment. Realizing that you are the person who drew all these wonderful people into your life, that you have the ability to attract them and keep them as friends (because even the ones related to you can choose whether to be your friends). That you made enough of an impression on these people--whether over time or all at once--that they are happy to be part of your life, even through your less gracious moments.

So thank you, friends (related and otherwise). Truly, thank you.

Sounds Like a Challenge to Me

2008-07-26T16:05:00.001-07:00

Your task (well, OK, my task):

Pack for a 2 1/2 week vacation. You have the following constraints:

You must have attire, equipment, and other items required for the following tasks and events:
- caring for your pet cats
- time working in an office (I know, I know...just go with it)
- time working at an animal shelter
- apartment hunting
- an out-of-town wedding
- softball game(s)
- staying at an air conditioned house
- staying at a non-air conditioned house
- staying at a hotel
- at least three trips to a bar for various farewell parties
- summer in Pittsburgh
- two moving days
- a four-day drive across the country, with cats
- summer in Los Angeles
- handling administrative tasks related to leaving a job, starting school, and moving with an uncertain forwarding address
- the possibility that it will be more like a month-long vacation with law school classes

Everything you pack must fit in a small-sized sedan.

You cannot afford to eat out every meal.

And oh yeah...it's not really a vacation, so much as you just being homeless.

Best of luck!

Leda and Katie

2008-07-16T09:43:00.010-07:00

One thing I have learned this year is that, while for most people summer means relaxing, warm weather, and fun, at an animal shelter summer is a very difficult season. In the first place, summer means kitten season. This is the beginning of the craziness, as there are kittens practically hanging from the rafters. If that were the end of it, it wouldn't be so bad--busy, yes, but kittens are pretty easy to find homes for. Everybody loves kittens.

But that's not the end of it. Summer also brings an increase in the adult cats that come in. Strays are out and about more, and are brought in. People drop off the backyard momma cat that just had kittens (rather than bringing the kittens in, and spaying/releasing the mom). People move, and the animals are hung out to dry. People just decide they're now simply too busy for their pet. At the shelter we are surrounded by loving, lovable, playful, active, healthy adult cats who did nothing wrong, but ended up with the short end of the stick.

Too often, it's heartbreaking. Recently, a pair of lifelong pals was brought in, Stonie and Ashes, aged 8 and 10. Their humans got divorced and neither wanted to keep them. They were both wonderful cats, healthy and affectionate. Then one morning, without warning, Stonie passed away in the cage that they shared. He was only eight years old, and in good health. He just didn't wake up. We can't prove it, but we really think Stonie died of a broken heart. And now Ashes is left at the shelter, having lost first her home and now her brother.

Every now and then, though, someone walks through the door and magic happens, and it gives you the heart and courage to keep working through the sadness.

The same day that we learned about Stonie, we also learned about Katie. She had been adopted previously but was returned to the shelter because she had been found to be diabetic. The shelter doesn't have the resources to care for a diabetic cat, so there were only 48 hours to find Katie a home before her sugar levels would reach a point that she would need to be put to sleep. It was quite a blow to volunteers who were already reeling from the news about Stonie, and the overall stress of the summer months.

Miraculously, it happened. A couple who already owned another diabetic cat and a three-legged dog saw a post that a volunteer had put on Craigslist. The next day they drove over an hour to come to Pittsburgh and pick Katie up, with vet appointments already lined up to get her the help that she needs. Absolutely breathtaking. I know more than one volunteer shed tears of joy and relief when we found out that Katie had been saved.

(Unfortunately, since then we have learned that we have another diabetic cat, Winston. His case is not quite as urgent, but his time at the shelter is limited unless we can find him a home.)

And, on a more personal level, I posted a while ago about Leda, who was passed up by adopter after adopter unable to recognize how loving she was because she was just so scared. I'm happy to say that on Monday Leda found a home. A woman had seen her at the store a few days earlier, and specifically wanted to adopt an older cat. The woman thought about it for a few days and came back to see her. I explained how Leda was so affectionate through the cage door, but she would be scared to come out, and very scared when she first went home. The woman understood, and was touched by poor Leda's shyness. Happily, she decided to give Leda a safe and loving home. We exchanged emails, and I am hoping to hear how Leda comes along. I don't have the satisfaction of showing Leda myself that she has nothing to fear anymore, but at least someone will.

Yahtzee

2008-07-14T14:30:00.005-07:00

...or, "How a $130 Test Changed My Life".

So, I'm pretty sure that most people who read this blog know most of the story already, if not the entire thing, but I really feel the need to put up an actual post about the ridiculously insane past two weeks.

Every once in a while, life turns into a big game of Yahtzee. I'm not talking about breaking up with a significant other, or getting a new job. I'm talking about quietly sitting on a table, when suddenly someone scoops you up, shakes you around in a giant blue cup, and dumps you back out onto the table in an entirely different configuration than you were just in. (Hopefully metaphorically, but I suppose anything is possible.)

On the morning of Thursday, July 3rd, at around 10 a.m., I finalized the last piece of administrative stuff that I needed to do to arrange my move to Philly and attend Temple Law. The student loans and scholarships were lined up. Registration was complete. An apartment and roommate were found. The moving truck was reserved. Specific plans were entirely in place.

At around 2:00, I got the piece of news I referenced in my last post--my new LSAT score. In that post I said I wasn't sure if it would help with UCLA. Again, I have proven that I should not pursue work as a psychic.

After a few annoying meetings at work, at around 4:00 I sent an email to the Dean of Admissions at UCLA to let them know about my updated score. At about 5:30, I got an email back from him stating that they would review my file and be in touch. At about 7:30 that evening, I was on the phone with said Dean of Admissions, doing a phone interview. At about 8:45 that evening, I was back on the phone, receiving an offer of admission to UCLA, a scant 5 1/2 hours after getting my new LSAT score.

To be brutally honest, it was not an automatic decision for me. Here I had on one hand a path that was already all figured out, sorted out, arranged: a known entity which with I had been coming to terms for several months now. On the other hand, this entirely unknown path was suddenly plunked down in front of me: a much bigger move; much farther from my friends and family, and from the city that will always be home, regardless of whether I ever live here again; a much different culture and way of life; heck, even a much different climate.

Over the course of a few days, I began to swim through the mix of emotions that surrounded this decision. Not just the scary differences, but also the exciting ones. Being so much closer to LT. Going to a very highly ranked school. Going to a school with so much specialization and support for public interest work. And, I began to realize that the primary thing guiding my initial reaction was fear of the unknown. If this had happened even a few weeks earlier, before I had found an apartment in Philly, it would've been a no-brainer.

I began to think back to my original desire to go out there. The differences and unknowns were part of the attraction, the desire to experience something new. They weren't bad, they were good! And yes, I remembered the painful disappointment LT and I felt when we first learned that I had been waitlisted even at Loyola Marymount, and would most likely be staying east. LT was with me when I opened that envelope from Loyola. We didn't even make it into my apartment for a while, we just sat in the hallway hugging each other.

So I decided to accept UCLA's offer, and that is where I am headed. It is a decision with which I have become progressively more comfortable, and as plans and arrangements have begun to solidify, the fear surrounding it is slowly but surely fading, leaving the genuine excitement I would have felt if this had been the path I had been on all along.

Is that drippy saccharine sweet or what? Well hang on, now here is where the story just starts to get gaudy.

The one downside to UCLA was cost. Temple was going to be pretty cheap, both because it is a cheaper school, and because I received a partial scholarship. UCLA was going to be more. Not prohibitively more, but considerably more.

That is, until LAST Thursday, July 10th (Thursday is quickly becoming my favorite day of the week), when I once again found myself on the phone with the Dean of Admissions at UCLA. This time I was being offered a giant bucket of merit scholarship money, in ADDITION to a much more modest need-based financial aid award. As a result, UCLA will probably cost less than Temple when all is said and done.

Seriously? This is the kind of crap that people write stories about. I mean, not specifically, because a story--even a short one--about emails and phone calls for law school admissions doesn't make for terribly gripping leisure reading. But you know what I mean. It is unreal.

So there you have it. I don't have everything exactly all lined up yet, but through some series of events my act is going to California to attend UCLA School of Law. Way back when I first started piecing together my plan of law school action, this was the ideal scenario I had envisioned. As events unfolded I got used to life with a different reality, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm still a little stunned that all the sudden, out of the blue, it actually happened.

And to top it all off, last Friday the Dean of Admissions at University of Virginia, ranked 10th in the country and which had also placed me on the waitlist, called and offered me a spot. I do have to wonder how many people who are offered a spot off the UVa waitlist actually turn them down.

Well Then...

2008-07-03T12:50:00.004-07:00

Umm...

OK, so. Back in September I took the LSAT for the first time. I got a 162, which ranked in the 86th percentile, which was all very respectable, and all well and good. It wasn't enough to get me into the top schools on my list, but I got wait listed at UCLA and UVa, both very highly ranked schools, and got a scholarship offer from Temple.

While I was bummed that I didn't get into my top choice, UCLA, I had operated under the mistaken assumption that the September LSAT was the last one that would really do me any good for applications this year. I didn't realize until the enrollment deadlines had passed that the December, and even the February, dates could have been used.

After getting waitlisted at UCLA, I decided to retake the LSAT in June. I've since come to terms with going to Temple, and am looking forward to it, and see all the pluses it has (not the least of which is the MUCH lower tuition fee). But, it seemed worth the $130 exam fee to take another crack at it. And besides, there was also the minor issue of my pride, which wasn't too used to being in the 86th percentile. So I took the exam a few weeks ago, and while I felt good about it, I didn't have a good feel for just how well I had actually done--whether or not I did significantly better than the first time around.

Apparently, I should not pursue work as a psychic, because I just got my score today: 173, ranking in the 99th percentile.

I don't know if this will help with UCLA--seats off the waitlist are not a guarantee, even whether there will be openings. However, at least my pride is a little happier.

Batting .999 Is Disappointing

2008-06-28T07:21:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I found out for the first time that one of my adoptions at PetCo turned out badly. Dewey, an adult male cat I adopted out, was returned to the shelter because the owner thought he cried too much and wanted too much attention. I didn't see the surrender questionnaire, but another volunteer at the shelter said it sounded like the guy just didn't realize that an animal needs attention.

Every adoption counselor there has stories of adoptions they did that didn't end well, and everyone knows that you can't catch everything, you can't foresee every problem. But still, I can't help but find myself straining to remember all the details about the adoption...were there warning signs I ignored? Did I not talk to the guy enough, get a good enough feel for his personality and what he thought having a pet entailed?

I know it's certainly not a worst-case scenario. Dewey is fine...it sounds like he was lonely for a little while at the guy's house, but he wasn't hurt, wasn't abused. But, you go through these adoptions and want so badly for each one to work out. You want each home you send them to to be a good one. In your mind, you know that it's just not possible to bat a thousand, but it's a pretty big bummer the first time you have irrefutable evidence that you're not.

R.I.P. George Carlin

2008-06-25T06:39:00.002-07:00

George Carlin's name gets hijaked and wrongly attributed to a lot of callous, juvenile "punch lines", but he did indeed say this one. In a word....word.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
- George Carlin

Chick Peas - They're Neither Chicks, nor Peas. Discuss.

2008-06-17T11:18:00.004-07:00

I'm getting the feeling that the next month or so would be a LOT easier if I could just quit my regular job now.

The move to Philly progresses. One big step seems to have been taken care of, in that I've found (hope hope) a good potential roomie. Which has a lot of plusses...personal comfort being the highest on there. Plus not having to figure out what to do with all my stuff, and not feeling completely like I'm a guest in someone else's home.

Wow, I just realized I'm not even writing in complete sentences at this point. Wahoo.

So now all I need is an apartment to move into. Details! Oh yeah, and a new computer. I found out last week that Temple's exam security software only runs on native Windows, and I'll be damned if I'm letting Windows gunk up my Mac. So yippee...off to find the cheapest laptop available that I think will last me three years. Because, y'know, I had an extra few hundred dollars I didn't really want anymore.

Really, I'm not as bitter as I sound. Just scatter-brained!

But hey, queers are getting married in California today!!! *happy dance*

Leda

2008-06-13T08:44:00.003-07:00

I haven't posted in a while...no, it's not because I've been in mourning over the Pens. Honestly, any post-season where the boys manhandle the team that killed them last year, the Rangers, AND the Flyers...well, that's a fabulous post-season in my book.

I've run up against my first truly personally-heart-string-pulling case at PetCo this week, Leda. This poor girl was surrendered by people who had her for four years, "Because they had a baby." Not that she didn't like the baby, or was mean to it, or started peeing everywhere because of it, just that they had one. The sad part is that when they gave her up, they knew she was a shy cat, prone to being scared. Well, this poor girl has been absolutely terrified from day one with us. She doesn't have an ounce of mean in her, but she has plenty of scared.

She's starting to relax a little--when her cage door is closed and the store is quiet, she comes up to the door for all the loving you can give. But as soon as you open the door or try to pick her up, she panics. It's killing me. I wish there was some magic wand I could waive to let her know that she's safe...whatever she may have gone through to make her this way, she's safe now. Of all the great cats I've met in the few months I've worked there, this is the first one that has really made me wish I could take someone home. From day one when I picked her up and she let me trim her claws even though she was shaking like a leaf, she had me good. If there was any way humanly possible for me to get another cat, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but it's just out of the realm of possibility right now.

Sigh.

So...if anyone out there knows of someone who is kind and patient and would love to give this poor, terrified sweetheart a place where she will be safe and loved, send them this way!

The Amazing People I Know

2008-05-30T12:40:00.001-07:00

I took LT home last week to DC. We're doing a decent job of things, but she is having a really tough go of it with her family in some respects. It's hard on me, and I'm not even the one who has to have the difficult and hurtful conversations, although some of the stuff is pretty harsh and pointed right at me. My xylophone friend is strong and brave; I am proud of her.

MT is once again proving her qualities as an amazing human being, fostering SEVEN kittens for the ARL until they are old enough/big enough to be fixed and put for adoption. The littlest one has an eye injury, and weighs all of 11 ounces. The patience and dedication that MT shows in caring for and cleaning up after such a herd of babies is nothing short of inspiring. And she still somehow finds time to care for her own three cats and hang out with her odd friend C.

I'm so very happy to say that GJ is finally running into some happiness and luck. She spent a long time being a sympathetic and supportive ear to my difficulties, all the while going through a pretty rough patch herself. All I hope to do is return the favor! Her door/email/phone is always open, no matter how rotten her days have been. I hope with all my heart that things keep looking up for her a bit. (But I do hope the Wings blow the Cup.) And I wish her safe driving coming to the 'Burgh this weekend!

MG has always been my biggest cheerleader and venting partner. She knows what she feels is right, and fights for it unashamedly, especially when it is a friend. She has been pulling for me in my law school journey for years--well before I even knew for sure that I was on it! Her advice has been freely given and invaluable, as well as her support.

sM and I have had an uneven path in our friendship, but his encouragement and example have been integral to the future that I now eagerly work towards. Sometimes it takes a new voice reminding you of what you are capable of to make you really see it, and he provided that voice, as well as a picture of what someone can be when they follow their heart and passion. He always take the time to see how you're doing, which is especially impressive these days for a few reasons.

AK (not your AK, MT) is an endless source of entertainment. Even though we haven't hung out in a while (mainly because I'm a ridiculously busy bastard)--she's been around as a constant source of levity and friendship. I swear, we WILL get together before I move!

MD, Maker of Lutes, McGurk (I know a lot of "M" people...), AJ, and all my other Pamela's family are just that, a family. I don't see them as much anymore, but I can show up at the back door at any time and get an immediate round of yells and hugs and high-fives and general silliness. I love you guys!

To all of you, and to everyone else who has been there for me and inspired me and comforted me and let me comfort them and made me laugh and showed me new restaurants and recommended great movies and taught me things and made me confident and made me humble, I raise my office coffee mug in a toast.

Thank you.

Heartbeat? Check.

2008-05-28T20:22:00.002-07:00

Now that my heart has restarted several times, I would just like to say that game three tonight was one fuck of a hockey game. I'm not just saying that because the Pens won--that was damn Stanley Cup Finals hockey right there. Everything hockey should be--fast, rough, exciting, intense. I almost wished my boys weren't playing in it, because I was almost too white-knuckled to really enjoy it! (Almost.)

I have to go restore my blood sugar now.

Nerves of...um...Steel?

2008-05-24T20:59:00.003-07:00

Twenty-three year old Marc-Andre Fleury tripped and fell while coming onto the ice before starting his first Stanley Cup Finals game. Poor kid! So go ahead, someone try to tell me that nerves had nothing to do with that 4-0 showing. Their captain can't even buy a beer yet!

Bread

2008-05-21T10:10:00.003-07:00

Sadly, Bumblebee did not magically re-appear on my porch. (However, I task all of you with the same thing that I've tasked a number of individual friends with: if you see someone riding a very obvious yellow and black Diamondback Topanga Comp with disc brakes, knock them off and bring me my bike back. I'm recruiting a vigilante bike recovery posse.)

Happily, though, I am no longer bike-less. My new one isn't a mountain bike like Bumblebee was, he's a hybrid. I really liked the sturdiness of a mountain bike, as well as the option to go crashing through the woods if I wanted, not to mention the fact that Bumblebee was a pretty damn expensive and high quality bike. But I had to get realistic about a) what I could afford, and b) what I'm going to have time to do over the next few years. In the end, a solid hybrid was going to be a lot cheaper, lighter, and commuter friendly than another high-end mountain bike. And the more basic components will also be a lot more student-budget friendly when it comes to maintenance. So, Craigslist came through, and yesterday evening after a quick jaunt to the Irwin exit on the turnpike, I brought home Bread.

As one of my friends kindly pointed out when I posted about Bumblebee, I am a dork because I named my bike. Bread is only going to help prove her point (not that I ever argued it). This morning LT and I saw a Toyota Prius with the license plate "HI BREAD". My love of stupid puns, the fact that my new bike is also a hybrid, plus the timing of seeing that license plate, made it pretty perfect. Yes, I'm a dork. I confess.

Find Someone Else to Gamble With

2008-05-20T08:55:00.006-07:00

A note to all my Michigan friends:

No, I cannot afford to make bets with all of you for the Cup. You forget that I seem to be a Michigander magnet--there are a lot of you! I realize that could end up being a pretty good windfall for me, but I could also end up completely broke.

The only wager I am placing is with GJ, and it's the same bet we have for everything: one beer. I would make a special exception for this momentous event and say two beers, but at arena prices that's pretty steep...

Go Pens!!

Up...Down...Up...Down...

2008-05-18T16:06:00.003-07:00

To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Nothing like a few drastic ups and downs to really make your weekend.

Up! - This past week the California state supreme court ruled that laws banning same-sex marriage are unconstitutional, making Cali the second state to allow gay marriage. Such an amazing and stunning turn of events! One YouTube video in particular showed activists waiting for and hearing the ruling outside the courthouse...absolutely amazing and inspiring.

down - This past week was also the last week of my most senior writer at work. I'm left with me and two very junior writers who need a good deal of babysitting. My job is about to get really shitty, really quickly.

UP!- LT graduated this weekend from CMU. Seeing everything she did during just one school year--all the great people I've met through her, seeing the challenges she met, what she's achieved, it was a great thing to see her complete this step in her life. I can't imagine how proud I would be for her if I had known her all four years or longer. It also really got my juices flowing for school next year--recognizing the passion that I saw in the grads, especially the masters and doctoral candidates, and feeling that same passion for the road I'm about to go down. It's a great feeling, exciting and exhilarating. Combined with the recent developments in Cali, I am downright chomping at the bit.

down - Along with LT graduating, however, came the visit by LT's family to see her graduate and pack her stuff back off to DC. LT's family is great in a lot of ways--it's your typical big crazy family, fun-loving, sarcastic, funny and loud. They support LT so much in many ways, they are proud of her and care about her. In other ways, not as much, and for that reason, the two of us being around them is a bit of a strain. Especially with us likely being on opposite coasts next year, I know LT could really use the support and love of her family, the recognition of the importance of our relationship and the difficult times to come for both of us. We hold out hope that someday they'll be able to reach that place, but in the meantime, it's hard to see that they haven't.

UP! - Of course there's also been the Pens' spectacular post-season run. They hit a temporary glitch against the (fucking) Flyers on Thursday, but finished them off in fine fashion with a 6-0 spanking this afternoon, sending my boys to the Stanley Cup finals. I said a number of times earlier this year that there was no way they would make it this far, and have been very glad to be proven wrong. GJ, hope you're ready to make good on the promise of tickets for a Wings/Pens final!!

down - At the end of the game, I was looking out my door and realized something was missing from my porch. Namely, my bike. Locked up on my balcony, Bumblebee has taken one last trip to an unknown destination. I swear, I will never understand people who feel the need to take other people's stuff. Bye, Bumblebee.

I mean, I love roller coasters and all, but really...this is a bit ridiculous.

Sore = Awesome

2008-05-12T14:18:00.002-07:00

Q: What do you get when you combine a 5:30 wake up call, a bike ride, a semi-truck full of water and bananas, chilly rain, 36,000 people, free coffee, and a body full of sore muscles the next day?

A: A happy me.

I helped with post-race refreshments at the Race for the Cure on Sunday. It's project that I've enjoyed the last few years; it's pretty perfect for me because it combines my masochistic love for physical labor and my more benign love for do-gooding. Basically, volunteers get up really early (this year we didn't have to be there until 6:00--huzzah!) and unload a semi full of bananas and beverages donated by Pepsi/Aquafina, cart the truck contents however far to a small-ish tent area where we stage everything as well as we can and then guard it with our lives until people are done with the race. Then in a dizzying rush, we "distribute" the product, sticking a banana and bottled water into every hand we see as the tide of people surges to our little tent.

I bike there to avoid having to deal with an automobile in the midst of the race madness, and while you have to be there before the coffee stores open, thankfully there's the Caribou Coffee tent, giving out free cups of caffeinated bliss. Unloading the truck usually takes a little over two hours. Staging the stuff usually starts out as nicely organized stacking, and ends as, "Oh crap, more of that? I dunno, just stack it over there." Guarding stuff before the end of the race requires a heart of stone as you turn away people who give you every sob story in the book as to why they ought to get the free stuff NOW. Giving it away requires nerves of steel as you brace yourself against the thirsty horde. Eventually you're tempted to just start hurling bananas and bottles out into the crowd.

Each year brings its own fun twists and quirks. This year, for instance, the rain and soft ground made working with the hand trucks extra special, and the area that we had been given to distribute was teeeeny tiny. Also, the semi truck, parked on the paved walkway in Flagstaff right across the treeline from Frew St., was parked uphill, which added a lot more distance onto how far we had to haul the stuff, and also meant that as we were moving the pallets of stuff to the end of the truck for offloading, we had to pull them uphill. On the good side, we managed to score the use of two of the race's motorized utility carts, which was a great boon. Also, the beverage selection was much better--2/3 was water and the rest was flavored "vitamin" water. (Last year we were cursed with pallet upon pallet of Jazz, which had been Pepsi's latest marketing misadventure.)

There's one thing that never changes, and that is the average human being's willingness to take as much free stuff as they can possibly carry. Giant Eagle was giving away their canvas shopping bags, and people were walking around with these bags overflowing with scary pink bagels, yogurt, ice cream, fruit, McDonald's apple slice packets, as much of every handout that they could finagle. And yes, water, flavored water and bananas. In the end it was good, because as the rain moved in and the masses started scattering, we were faced with the prospect of having to put a bunch of leftover water back into the truck. We solved this by quite literally handing out the stuff by the case.

At any rate, as always I enjoyed doing it and am sore as hell today, which I really like. To me being muscle-sore is a great reminder that I was out and about doing something different and useful with my body, using it to its true best abilities.

And as with any cancer-related activity, I worked this year in honor of my grandmother Virginia Lloyd, a many-year survivor of breast cancer, and in memory of Dave Deerfield, who fought his one-year battle against cancer with courage, wisdom and humor.

Lessons of the Day

2008-05-07T19:17:00.003-07:00

1) Administer medication to cat BEFORE cleaning cage and putting down fresh paper, food and water.

2) Tigger is pointy.

It's Hasn't All Been Texting and Crying and Hummus

2008-05-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

My last few postings have been kinda glum, because whenever I let myself slow down these days (read: have enough breathing room that I can do things like blog) that's how my mind goes. So I'll now point out a bunch of stuff lately that has been great. Some of them are small moments, some bigger.

- Gorgeous weather. As much as I like winter, the renewal of spring is always amazing.
- Upon learning that LT and I are likely headed different directions, a half-drunk friend getting very wide-eyed, putting his arms around both of us, and exclaiming, very slowly, "But....what's gonna....happen?"
- GO PENS!!
- During the tail end of the gauntlet which I haven't been able to blog about yet, my trip to Chicago was an absolute blast. I loved it.
- Being included on the season video for my Cincy buddies even though I'm not technically on their team.
- Tearing the leg of my jeans open while climbing a seven-foot tall fence.
- Pierogies at the Harris Grill.
- GO PENS!!
- Going to see Chris Pureka and Nicole Reynolds, I was reminded that music is the most amazingly direct path into my soul, and how much I love live performance. I could never imagine a world without music.
- Encountering someone who embodies all the coolest things in the universe: a Canadian, hockey-enthused, tattooed, gender-bending, socially conscious, violin-playing musician. It's true, the bass players are always the coolest ones. ALWAYS.
- The woman who adopted a very sweet, quiet, 10-year-old cat. It made my heart smile to see someone willing to give poor old Dottie a peaceful couch to sleep on.
- Softball!!
- Coffeeeeeeee
- The excitement - even if it is bittersweet - of planning the coming next phase in my life.
- Reconnecting with and remembering to get the support of old good friends - MT, GJ, MG, MD, thank you all so much - and discovering the support of good new ones.
- GO PENS!!
- Sitting on my couch with the sliding door open and fresh air coming in, with Tiki curled up on my lap and Whiskey curled up next to me.
- Planning my next TATTOO!!
- Did I mention GO PENS?!

Relaxing, or Something

2008-05-05T09:13:00.006-07:00

After all the traveling and emotion, I vowed that this weekend would be dedicated to relaxation, specifically with LT. The first plan was, "We're only going to leave my apartment for food." Then it was, "oh, and this concert," then, "oh, and a few hours of work"...

...eight hours at PetCo, two cat adoptions, one trip to the gym, a few trips to the fence, one two-hour walk along the river, three restaurants, one softball game, one concert, one torn pair of jeans, and one tearful trip to the West End later...well, yeah.

Good weekend? Yeah. I enjoyed everything I did this weekend. Do I still remember what my apartment looks like? Not so much.

Y'know, all that a big part of me wants is some time for LT and I to relax together and focus on enjoying these last weeks we have in Pittsburgh. But every time we do that, we just start crying. Maybe this relaxation sabotaging busy-ness is our subconscious' way of telling us that we can best enjoy our remaining time here by doing what we've done all along--experiencing things and being busy together. Or maybe it's our minds' way of removing focus from what's coming. Or both. Who knows.

Oh, and go Pens.

End of the Gauntlet...and the Rope

2008-04-28T04:01:00.005-07:00

OK...so...damn. All the travel finally caught up to me, and just in the nick of time it ended! Don't get me wrong--I'm very glad I did all the stuff I've done over the last couple of months; spending time with all these friends has been invaluable, knowing that next year I will be living very much elsewhere, very broke, and very busy. But, at the end it just got to be a wee bit much.

Anyhow, I haven't posted about the last month or so worth of travels, mainly because OF the travel. The in between times, I've just been trying to keep my head above water between work, staying abreast with old and new friends, kitty pimpin', and the emotion of life's impending rapids. Something had to go, and that something was blogging.

So, I'll try to catch up, but as the rapids around here get more rapid-y, I don't make many promises. All I can say is, I am so glad to be home, in my little apartment in this little neighborhood, and this morning is rainy and gray (and, I'm trying to remind myself, peaceful).

For those of you who I haven't had a chance to talk to personally, here's what's up. In a pretty shocking move that defies almost anyone's explanation, I got put on the waitlist at Loyola in LA. This was kind of stunning because I'm well above average for their GPA and LSAT, and universities ranked much higher than them admitted me and/or waitlisted me.

That in itself, though irritating, is not a huge issue, because of the aforementioned more highly ranked schools. The issue is that none of my options out west have panned out so far. The most likely scenario right now is that I'll be going to Temple in Philly, which again would not be a big deal...except LT is moving to California.

So.

I'm on the waitlist at UCLA, which is actually my top choice if you don't consider the factor of money and what I had thought would be a decent scholarship offer from Loyola. And, I'm busting my tail to do whatever I can to convince UCLA that I would be an awesome addition to their student body and they should let me in. However, failing that magical phone call from the Dean of Admissions...

Temple is a really good school. They gave me a partial scholarship and I'm already a PA resident, so they would be really cheap for me to go to. It had been lower on my list, primarily because I just hadn't taken much time to look at them--looking now at their offerings and options, I do get excited. Philly is a great city, a center of GLBTQ activity both culturally and legally. Career-wise, this is a fantastic option.

Except...

Except.

LT is headed out of Pittsburgh in about three weeks. Three. Weeks.

Send It

2008-04-14T12:28:00.004-07:00

You have the birthday card but you're not sure how it would be received. Would it be welcomed, and hopefully help a foundered friendship? Would it be an object of ridicule? Would it be a source of hurt for one or both of you? Are you sending a thoughtful message, or being an idealistic fool?

There are two questions that only you can answer: 1) Are your intentions genuine? 2) Are you in a position to protect yourself but still be fair? Yes? Then send it. Send the card. SEND THE FUCKING CARD.

I did. And today I'm glad of it.

Holy shit I need to get some sleep.

Grrrrrrrrrr

2008-04-13T18:26:00.003-07:00

The entire four and a half hours in the car, driving through crappy half piss rain, all I've been thinking about is getting my ice packs for my sore and aching knees. I'm tired and drained from an emotional weekend. I get through the door and two staring cats remind me that I was supposed to get cat food before I came home. Back into the car.

I get home again, and see that a little more water has come into the bathroom from the upstairs apartment while I was gone (the night before my last weekend gauntlet, which I haven't had time to post about, my upstairs neighbor's toilet cracked, flooding my bathroom). Irritating, but not a big problem.

Finally, blessedly finally, I get to ice my knees. Ace bandages at the ready, I open the freezer to grab the cold gel packs...and am greeted by a waft of warm air.

The new used fridge that the apartment people just gave me last week (replacing the ancient non-self defrosting one that was here previously) has decided to shit the bed over the weekend. The fridge that I had just filled with food because I had gotten a nice new fridge is dead. Goodbye new bag of chicken. Goodbye cheese. Goodbye yogurt. Goodbye mayo and cottage cheese and frozen corn and microwave dinners.

AND NO ICE FOR MY KNEES! FUCKER!

The First Acceptance

2008-04-08T11:38:00.004-07:00

I'll be posting about my trip to Lesbo Land as soon as I get a chance, but time is short and I wanted to at least pass this along. It finally happened - I got my first acceptance letter! So, I don't know where I'm going just yet, but at least I know I'm going somewhere. It was from Temple, which is pretty far down my list of places I applied to, but it's a start!

It was a bit surreal in terms of how it came. Thursday went like this: No sleep Wednesday night (long story involving a watery mess from the apartment above, combined with trying to pack), arriving at the airport at 4:30 AM, 11 hours negotiating planes and airports and four different time zones catching naps where I could, two or three hours in the sun in the middle of the desert, dinner, and an evening comedy show with a couple thousand lesbians.

At the end of all this, I checked my email in the hotel room before my exhausted body called it quits, and got the email from Temple (I had only been expecting snail mail notifications). I completely forgot about it for I think two days, then partway through Saturday asked GJ, "Hey, did I dream that I got accepted to law school, or did that actually happen?"

It's a Great Day for Hockey

2008-04-02T20:07:00.006-07:00

Tonight I went to the last home game of the Pens' regular season. Since I don't know what's going on next year, I can't afford playoff tickets this year, and they're building the new arena, I realized it might be the last game I ever see at Mellon Arena (Civic Arena, thank you very much).

If it ends up being the last one I see there, it will have been a fitting farewell. The boys beat the Flyers 4-2, with a sick goal by Crosby to put it away, reaching back with his stick and deflecting a shot that was going behind him through his legs into the net. I got all the classic fittings of a home Pens game - the ages-old "Are you ready?" penguin picture to start the game, human bowling, some good fights, good goals and good saves, TC the vendor, the skinny high-pitched vendor who sells cotton candy at Pens games and beer and peanuts at Pirate games, 17,000 people booing Carey Fraser (Pittsburgh's 2nd favorite ref behind Mick McGough), and the Pens clinched the Atlantic Division title. Thanks to MT for sharing it with me! (Thank goodness it wasn't a Devils game.)

I really can't ask for a better ending than to close out my last game chanting, "Go home, Flyers!" So if it was my last game at the arena, it was a good one.

Here Kitty, Kitty

2008-04-01T07:24:00.002-07:00

So, I woke up the other day and decided I had too much free time on my hands, and got a second job.

Right.

No, really.

Last night was my first day, helping out with adoptions at the Waterfront PetCo through the Animal Rescue League, which I've been volunteering at. It's fairly simple, a few hours a few times a week; take the guys out, play a bit, clean their cages, try to whore them out to shoppers. Like 'em young? Old? Long-haired? Short-haired? Chubby? Skinny? Declawed? I'm a kitty pimp, really.

Actually, there is a whole list of reasons we can deny an adoption if we think someone is shady or the cat won't be in a good home. There is certainly an optimum environment that we would like to see the cats go to, and I've heard stories of adoption counselors who are supremely picky about approving adoptions. But here's the deal: Right now, THEY ARE LIVING IN A CAGE. They're not happy there. They don't get the attention or exercise they need. Even the sweetest cats get cranky being stuck in a small metal box, with strange people and animals passing by all day long.

So, it's really a big judgment call. Does everyone care for their pets the way I would? No. But also, do I care for my pets the same way others do? No. I have declawed cats. Growing up, we let our cats outside. One of my cats doesn't have a chip implant. When I was little, I distinctly remember constantly harassing the cat and dog we had; it was endless fun. I've worked on farms with tons of cats living outside fending for themselves, and I've known lots of dogs who were poorly trained, ate everything in sight, or rarely came in the house.

These situations are far from optimal when you think of a house pet. But do I think any one of these animals would have been better off in a cage? No. Not to say that I'll be there giving out cats to any slack-jawed or adopting-on-a-whim twit that crosses my path, but it's a huge judgment call, and...ah, I'm a bit nervous about making it!

Weekend Gauntlet 2: Nats

2008-03-31T19:49:00.002-07:00

This weekend was a trip to Philly for the USA Hockey Women's National Tournament. Well, that's what it was supposed to be, and it ended up being the tournament, a return to Pittsburgh for about a half hour, then a trip to Washington, DC to catch the end of LT's frisbee tournament.

First the hockey - we played well and it was a fun time, unfortunately that didn't translate to great success in the tournament standings. We finished 0-3, but honestly made a better showing than that record indicates (at least, I think so!). By far the highlight of the weekend for me was playing against my old team from New Jersey. I saw my old coach and a number of old teammates, and we had a great game. My old friends got the best of us 1-0, and it was one of the most fun games I've played in a long time.

When we didn't advance to the quarterfinals, instead of staying overnight Saturday we headed home after playing our last game. Got back to Pittsburgh at around 9 on Saturday night, transferred my stuff from the car I was in to my car, picked up a friend of LT's and mine, and hit the road again on a last-minute-whim decision to head to DC. Got to DC at around 1:30 am, slept for a good 4 1/2 hours, then at 6 am bright and early headed out to the fields for the second day of an ultimate tournament. Spent a good 6 or 7 chilly hours shivering in a polo field and cheering on LT and her team, then hit the road for home again. Thankfully our friend knew how to drive stick, so I had the luxury of spending most of the ride home sound asleep in the back seat. Zzzzzz....

All in all, great fun even if half of it didn't go as originally intended, and I rediscovered the fun that can take place when you decide on a whim to drive somewhere in the middle of the night. Just make sure you have time to nap later!

Oh, and I realized that I've gotten to the point where if a drive is under 4 hours, I barely even count it as a trip. I might as well just be going down the street.

Coming Next Weekend: The Dinah Shore in Palm Springs

Things I Learned/Remembered Today

2008-03-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

- When driving an automatic, you don't have to push a clutch to start it or put it in neutral to keep it from stalling.
- Driving an automatic is boring.
- People who drive automatic forget about parking brakes and don't remember that they're really good for your transmission.
- Sometimes you just need to tell someone to fuck off rather than let frustration gunk up your inner juju.
- Philadelphia has WaWa.
- Philadelphia has useful highways that remind me of Jersey (sometimes I do actually miss the Garden State Parkway).
- Some people play hockey on teams that are actually...y'know...teams!
- You can still have a shit ton of fun playing a game that you lose. (Well, actually I always knew that, I just wanted to mention it because it's fun.)
- I can't wait to go play in Chicago with MG! And in Cinci with [insert team here], hanging out with my buds!
- However old I feel, my knees feel older. (No wait...just one more season then I'll go get them looked at...I swear!)

Nighty night, y'all.

Afternoon Nap

2008-03-28T16:59:00.003-07:00

You know that feeling: you're so tired, you can't sleep. You lay down, exhausted, except your body is too tense, and you can't relax. Your mind is racing and you have that feeling like you're laying just on the bed/couch/chair/whatever, rather than actually settling into it.

Ah well. Get up, drink some coffee, and get ready for game two...

Weekend Gauntlet 1: Go Wings!

2008-03-24T10:49:00.004-07:00

The way things are looking, seems I'll be out of town every weekend from this past one until May (and 7 of the 9 weekends in all of March and April). Whew! So, this past weekend was first up in my astounding run of busy-ness: a Red Wings game in Columbus, and then National Raisin Gravy Day. (Some people call the latter "Easter", but it's really National Raisin Gravy Day.)

I met my Cincy buds in Columbus to see the Wings take on the Blue Jackets. Given that the arena was half full of Wings fans, the Columbus folk were kind of cranky. The fact that the Wings won 4-1 didn't help. But, although there was some verbal sparring (some good-natured, some not). After the game we hit up a local gay bar in Columbus' arena district--after a very lame start, it eventually got good; I was happy to see a huge variety of gender expression...much greater than I typically see here in Pittsburgh on a usual night out.

And, National Raisin Gravy Day was yummy. Got to see 4 out of 5 of The Kids, and as usual got my ass kicked by the second oldest...when did he become twice as big as me? Ah well, the fun is in the fighting, not in the winning. (And it's a good thing that's the case...)

Some thoughts....

- On the way to Columbus I passed a car with the license plate SUFR4JC. Creeped me out.
- After your parents have lived in the same house for 25 years, it's weird to realize that before leaving to go visit, you need to double-check the directions.
- Yes, LT cooks more than I do, but it's all pasta, and she needs to set the timer to know how long to boil it! (pbpbthththth...) Besides, I own the aebleskiver pan!
- I'm either going to have to figure out a way to be home enough in the evening to do laundry during the week, or...well...um, there really is no alternative.

And in other news, I'm getting my ass whooped with my NCAA tournament bracket, but at least I'm doing better than Tiki and Whiskey. GJ isn't getting much of a run for her money this year though. And, my car passed 100,000 miles! (Roughly 96,000 of them with a mooshed front bumper.) Good ol' Lancer...

Coming Next Weekend: USA Hockey Women's National Tournament

Xylophone

2008-03-20T11:09:00.008-07:00

Later than I intended, I finally find time to reply to the supportive and loving comments from my earlier post. This is long, so grab a drink, be comfy, doze off, whatever.

I am a xylophone.

Confused? OK...let me start from the beginning.

I consider myself to be part of the transgender community. I hesitate to call myself simply transgendered, because a lot of people automatically translate that to "I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body," which is not at all an accurate statement. I've known for a long time that I'm not comfortable in the category of "woman" but at the same time I never felt like I was or ought to be a man. Over the past year, I've encountered the incredibly liberating concept that gender does not have to be an either/or proposition; it does not have to be binary. Many amazing and beautiful people are both, many are neither, many are some mix or nonmix that defies description within the language that we have today. I am queer. I am a xylophone.

MG mentioned that she didn't realize I was going through a crisis. Actually, it's not a crisis at all. If anything, it's a welcome liberation from a long time of being unsure how or if I fit into the world. I spent a lot of time growing up feeling embarrassment and discomfort without knowing why or being able to explain it. Take, for example, clothing. Wearing a dress was humiliating and embarrassing for me. It wasn't just that I was wearing clothes I hated, it was something much more profound and visceral that I couldn't put words to. Because I could not give voice to my frustration and embarrassment, in the eyes of people who loved me it was nothing more than a typical tomboy-having-to-dress-up situation, which (as it should in any good group of sarcastic, fun people) led to lighthearted schadenfreude and merriment. Unfortunately, this magnified the shame, embarrassment and humiliation that I felt.

That was just the completely unintentional hurt that unfortunately came from those who actually love me and didn't wish me harm. Extend the situation to everyday life in an American childhood, where other people, especially other kids, are not nearly so caring. It's not just the occasional special event, but every day that assails you with messages reminding you that you're not what you're supposed to be. You can't give voice to it, you just spend every day knowing that you are somehow wrong inside. And, kids quickly pick up on such a fundamental difference, and make you pay for it. It was difficult, and not being able to figure out what was different about me made it worse. I had a female body, so I must be a girl. But very little about being a "girl" connected with me. I had heard about transgendered people, but I didn't feel like a boy, so that must not be me. I must still be a girl...just a fundamentally incorrect one.

But my point isn't to lay out a "woe is me" thing here...my point is that this realization for me has been wonderful. It has given a voice to my frustrations, and as a result has given me validation. Growing up, we learn about two genders--man and woman. If you don't feel like you are really either one, where does that leave you? There is no language for you, no place for you. It's so much easier knowing that you're just different, not wrong. I'm not anyone's sister or daughter, but I'm also not anyone's brother or son. And I know that that's OK.

OK, so what's this xylophone thing?

People say that words are only words, but words also shape the reality that people recognize on a daily basis. If something does not have a word, there is no way for people to know it and explain that it exists. It's been very liberating finding my place (or non-place, as the case may be) in the realm of gender, but it can still be very frustrating not having a word for myself, an answer when people ask, "So what are you, then?"

There are a lot of labels surrounding gender and folks who don't fit in the gender binary...queer, genderqeer, trans, boi, butch, androgyne, and on and on. Well, let me tell you...with something as intensely personal as gender identity, words are a hot topic. While some people think someone's particular label isn't as important, other people get very defensive and protective of words. Words can become very politically charged, and each label has its own particular connotations that come along with it. I'm still relatively new to all this territory, so I haven't had the chance to decide which, if any, of the existing notions I'm comfortable with. I just haven't met and talked to enough people out there yet.

In the meantime, xylophone is a fun little thing that LT and I came up with, in our many endless talks about gender and identity. There is a book by S. Bear Bergman called Butch Is a Noun, in which Bergman makes a joke about a hypothetical green-haired kid with safety pins sticking out of hyr face who says hyr gender is "xylophone". (I apologize I don't have the book with me for the exact quote.) LT and I chuckled about that, and at some point discovered that there is an Indonesian instrument called a gender, which is very much like a xylophone. So, in our usual don't-even-take-serious-stuff-seriously manner, we decided that one arbitrary label was as good as the next, and this one didn't happen to be accompanied by any existing sociopolitical baggage. It became our own personal code word. At least for the time being, it works for me!

Thanks, by the way, to LT, for joining me in my continued exploration and discovery, helping to calm my fears, and not just recognizing, but celebrating my xylophone self. And thank you to everyone who has expressed support and love for me so far as I've started walking this path.

Coincidentally, today is the birthday of the person who really opened me to the possibilities of gender and my place within those possibilities. I'm still figuring things out, but in three short weeks last year he opened my eyes enough to set the wheels of thought in motion, and in doing so started me down the road to finally feeling an identity that I am at peace with. It started with one comment: "You don't look like a Cheri, you look like a Chris or a Mark...I mean that as a compliment," and blew wide open from there. sj, you truly are a teacher. I can't thank you enough.

Memo to the PA Senate Judiciary Committee

2008-03-18T11:23:00.002-07:00

FUCK YOU.

http://www.postgazette.com/pg/08078/866089-100.stm

I'm not having a good enough day to say anything more constructive than that.

America's Next Top Role Model

2008-03-12T11:49:00.003-07:00

I was at the gym yesterday, and had to grimace at the fact that the TV above the cardio machines was set to a marathon of America's Next Top Model. That's really just evil.

I'm not much of a reality show junkie, so this was the first time I'd actually watched this show. I had forgotten to bring anything to read, so I was held captive as I pedaled. Frankly, I was appalled. The episodes I saw focused a lot on one particular contestant who was derided as being overweight. Seriously? She was one of the last five or six contestants, and was skinnier than the vast majority of people I've met in my life. But the message that was slammed home throughout the hour was that she was just too fat.

I, and a lot of the people I know, are wise enough to see the ridiculousness and not take it to heart; but there are thousands of women and kids who aren't that savvy. They're seeing this woman who is skinnier than most of them will ever be, and being told that she is still too big! How are they supposed to live up to that? They're seeing her being treated as a friend by the other contestants, being supported and encouraged, then seeing these same friends mock and deride her behind her back as being heavy. What is that supposed to make them think about their own lives, their own friends, or how they should treat their friends?

Completely disgusting.

Cooking and Horses and Flowers, Oh My!

2008-03-11T10:46:00.001-07:00

When you find yourself, 11 hours before you need to be on a plane, staring at the remnants of Chinese Takeout Lunch that you just unceremoniously deposited in your bathroom garbage can, you're not too sure how the vacation is going to go. Thankfully, it went really well! I was still a little oogy on the travels there, but managed to keep things, ah, under control. After that first day, I was right as rain...well, rain with a nagging cough anyhow.

LT and I went to Bradenton, Florida (a bit south of Tampa) to visit her grandma over this past weekend, leaving Thursday and coming back Monday. It was a nice few days of sun and warm temperatures (not grossly hot, just a nice warm reprieve while everyone up here was getting snowed on), relaxation, and cooking.

Oh, the cooking. Day one was chicken breasts, day two was strip steaks, day three was a whole roasted chicken, and day four was pork loin. I don't even remember all the sides, but very yummy was the fried corn scraped fresh from the cob. Mmmm. And of course a constant flow of goodies that only grandmothers can push on you...fresh fruits of all kinds, brownies, cookies, ice cream, etc. etc. etc. Yum!

We did more than eat, though. We also went to see the a training show at the Herrmann's Lippizaner Stallion ranch, which was much more fascinating than going to one of their regular tour performances. We were able to walk through the barn and see the guys up close, which took me way back to my horsey days of yore, always a kind of emotional thing for me. And we also went to the Marie Selby Botanical Gardens, which was beautiful. They were having a farmer's market, tempting LT with lots of plants and flowers for sale, including tons of orchids. They also had some very intense egrets, and an odd but friendly volunteer who regaled us with a couple magic tricks and a somewhat endless story that included in-laws, an Italian restaurant in Louisville, and semi-pro football.

And of course through all this we visited with Grandmama, and also LT's aunt Tracy on Sunday and Monday morning. They both were wonderfully welcoming and kind, which was very good to see and feel. I was very happy that LT had a place in her family where she was able to celebrate our relationship rather than feel like she had to defend it. And of course it's fun to hear all the stories about people in LT's family. I haven't even met most of them and I already have all the dirt on them!

One amusing thing; we arrived at LT's grandmother's at night, so I didn't see much of the surrounding area, but the next morning I saw that we were in a gated community on a golf course. All you could see from within the neighborhood was the neighborhood itself. My surprise came later that day when we left, and as soon as we got outside the gates I saw that this expensive, carefully tended community was plunked down in the middle of scrubby, somewhat dilapidated farmland. The whole area seemed to consist entirely of farms, abandoned farms, and gated golf course communities, with the occasional Publix. There were easily four different golf course communities within a few miles of where her grandma lived.

And don't get me started on the gated community WITHIN the gated community. Yikes! Even here, though, people weren't above some of the current economic troubles. While walking around, LT and I saw lots of For Sale signs, including the nicest block in the development where over half the houses were on the market.

So, fun trip, interesting new environment I'd never been in before, and general relaxation and happiness. I'll get some pics when I have a chance.

Interlude

2008-03-05T14:26:00.002-08:00

I do want to reply when I get a chance to the wonderful comments my friends have left to my last post, but before I had a chance I came across this and had to laugh at it. The CEO of Victoria's Secret is Sharen Turney. Hahaha.

Yes, I know it's not my name, but close enough to make me laugh.

Thank You for a Small Consideration

2008-03-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

Except for spam, it's not often that we are grateful that we didn't get an email; it's even less often that we are touched. But that's where I found myself yesterday.

There are a few people that I get forwarded emails from. Some, like friendship and joke ones, I scan through and scoot to the trash folder, or if it's particularly striking I might hang onto it. Others I tend to not even scan. I got an email from MT's mom, and happened to notice that MT's mom had gotten it from her. The original email from MT had all the usual suspects in the address list, but not me.

Now, MT is usually one of the email forwarders; I've gotten some pretty great stuff from her. MT is also one of the people I've talked to a bit about my growing exploration of my gender identity (or lack thereof). The thing is that this particular email was a "yay sisterhood" type deal, instructing the recipient to pass it along to "10 pretty ladies on your friends list and let them know they are pretty." So, her not including me on that was a subtle but pretty significant acknowledgment of what I've told her about my thoughts of gender so far.

As I'm going through this process of figuring myself out, it's little things like that which really help validate and support my developing thoughts. Small details that many people don't even realize exist can mean so much.

So, thanks.

The End of the Apps

2008-03-01T11:57:00.001-08:00

Although the actual applications were done a little while ago, I realized that in my blogging negligence I never posted The List. So here we go, in alphabetical order:

Berkeley
Georgetown
Loyola (not the one in Chicago, one in LA affiliated with Loyola Marymount in San Diego)
Pitt
Temple
UCLA
University of Virginia
USC

So, those of you who are geographically savvy realize that half of those are in *gulp* California. Yep. And only one is here in Pittsburgh. *another gulp* (Of course, Pittsburgh only has two schools and no offense to Duquesne alumni, but no way am I going to a Catholic school that required a long fight and a longer list of caveats before it allowed a gay-straight student alliance.) We'll see what shakes out I suppose.

Out of that list, my top picks are probably UCLA, Loyola, Georgetown, and UVa, with Berkeley coming close behind. Those first four have the most established backgrounds in public interest law, which is what I want to do. Berkeley isn't very far behind from what I've seen, and besides...it's freakin' Berkeley; 'nuf said.

The funny thing about that list is that, out of those five top picks, four are in the top 15 in the country, and one isn't, but that one, Loyola, is probably the front runner at this point. I do think the other four would have more to offer in terms of connections and other resources, but the number one reason why people who intend to work in public interest don't follow through is that they don't make the money to pay off their student loans. While I'm fairly confident that I'll get accepted to at least a couple of my higher ranked choices, Loyola is more likely to drool over my application and offer substantial scholarships, so... Of course luck has it that Loyola Marymount is also a Catholic school, but some research and talking to some folks confirmed that they don't have the same issues that Duquesne has.

At any rate, the reason why the title of this post is for the END of the apps is that yesterday and this morning I finished up my financial aid applications. My head is swimming from all kinds of estimate this, add up that, blah blah blah. I thought it would be a cakewalk when I finished the FAFSA in about 15 minutes. Then a few of the schools also required that I fill out the Need Access app at needaccess.org. Holy crow...that thing was a freaking beast, and compared to a lot of people I keep really close track of my meager monies. Whew! My heart goes out to all those people who don't just fill out a 1040EZ every year like I do. I know my time of mind boggling tax forms will come someday, but I wasn't expecting it just yet!

Testing, Testing...

2008-02-24T22:18:00.002-08:00

Ah....yello! Yeah, I've been a delinquent blogger. But as MT and GJ can attest, I've also been a delinquent email chatter and texter. Work has gotten ridiculously busy lately, and it pretty much feels like I've been constantly busy outside of work.

Of course, sitting here right now trying to sum up my delinquency, I can't think of anything specific. So...over the next few days I'll be trying to catch y'all (and myself!) up on what's been going on.

To answer MG's main questions really quick, though - nope, haven't heard back from anyone yet. You'll probably be the first to hear when I do!

Good Morning

2008-01-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

It's about 11:00 on Sunday morning, I'm on the couch working on my last few law school applications. It's been snowing outside since I got up, making for a beautiful winter neighborhood scene outside my balcony window. Even though I'm not outside in it, I can feel the world being peacefully muffled by the white blanket. LT and Whiskey are sleeping in the bedroom, Tiki is on my lap, simultaneously cuddling and playing with my hoodie drawstrings in that way that only Tiki can, making it fairly difficult to type.

My little world is peaceful, the future is hopeful, and it's a good morning.

Eat More Fiber

2008-01-24T14:25:00.000-08:00

Maybe one of these days I'll have time to make a real blog entry. In the meantime, let me share the theory I have developed from this week at work:

People don't eat enough fiber, so they end up using their brains as roughage and flushing them down the john.

It's not elegant, but it works for me right now.

Sad News...and, Media Mediocrity

2008-01-22T14:15:00.000-08:00

I heard on the radio driving home from work today that they just found Heath Ledger dead in his apartment. I don't follow movies and such very often, but he was one guy that I usually really liked in movies. Not just his acting, although I did usually like what he did, but the little I saw about his personality. He wasn't always in the headlines with relationship drama or getting into trouble, and in a couple interviews I saw with him around the time of Brokeback Mountain he seemed really low key and down to earth. So, I'm pretty sad to hear that.

I have to comment, though, that I was just getting home when they said something on the radio, so I flipped on CNN to see if they had any more info. In addition to being bummed about the news, it was another ugly reminder of the current state of media these days; the coverage was idiotic. Asking the same questions over and over; asking about stupid, inane details that mean nothing ("The appointment he had with the masseuse, would that have been a regular thing?"); blathering canned phrases of shock, attempting to sound educated and serious; and just generally talking to hear themselves talk. Just as with all other big breaking news stories, digging for any bit of potential new info, no matter its questionable validity or relevance.

Best Invention Ever

2008-01-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

Getting back home from a very cold and tiring hockey trip, I decided yesterday that hot showers are quite possibly the greatest invention mankind has ever made. Sure, there are others that accomplish more tangible things and more striking things, but as far as everyday usefulness and all-purpose functionality, the shower wins.

Think about it...

Dirty? A shower will clean you. Duh.
Sick with the cold or flu? A shower will help clear you out and make you feel better.
Cold? A shower can get the blood flowing and warm you up.
Tired? A shower can invigorate.
Can't sleep? A shower can help relax you.
Sore and achy? A shower can soothe sore muscles.
Anxious? A shower can help you calm down.
Need to solve a problem? A shower can help you think.
Just in a crappy mood? A shower can help you chill and just feel better.

I personally think that no important difficult events should happen without everyone involved having a really good shower just beforehand. The UN should think about this before holding its next round of talks for the Middle East or Korea.

Quote

2008-01-16T11:37:00.000-08:00

Something you don't want to hear while walking past the guy examining the office sprinklers:

"Well, what I think happened is that these were recalled a reeeeeaaaally long time ago."

Yay Nerds!

2008-01-11T09:28:00.001-08:00

The webcomic xkcd, which I've referenced a number of times, pulled off quite the feat today, I think. Today's cartoon managed to successfully impact the Google trend tracker, single-handedly sending "Died in a blogging accident" to at least as high as #6 on the list of trends. Probably higher, actually, as the picture in that link says it reached its peak some 7 hours before the screenshot was taken.

Not bad for a bunch of nerds!

Taking the Fence

2008-01-09T12:43:00.001-08:00

For those of you who don't know, the Carnegie Mellon campus has a fence that is traditionally painted by student groups, teams, or just random individual people. LT and I had some time and energy to kill last night, so on a whim we decided to take the fence.

A quick trip to Home Depot provided some nice cheap "Oops" paint. Because I'm an old fogey, a nap was in order since the fence can't be painted earlier than midnight and I've already been short on sleep. The previous paint job on the fence was blessedly sparse and not difficult to cover over. The wind picked up, but thankfully the rain held off long enough for us to finish, and hopefully for the paint to dry enough. (I haven't yet had a chance to see it since we painted.) We were lame and decided not to camp out, since the risk of someone else taking it was minimal, and there was a cold front coming through.

We decided to pay homage to the continued adventures of Babe and the Bumblebee, make everyone who reads the fence lose the game, and celebrate our status as xylophones (if you don't get that, it's OK). And primarily, since the nice weather of the last few days was quite the exception to Pittsburgh winter, we decided on the front side to bring students some imaginary happy sun to brighten their days.

Babe and the Bumblebee take the fence.

This Just In

2008-01-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

Taking the fence is fantastic. Details to follow.

Calendar Fetish 2008

2008-01-06T10:05:00.000-08:00

People who know me, I don't have to explain my calendar fetish. People who don't, now you know I have a calendar fetish. Addiction. Strong craving for. I really really like them. I don't know quite where it came from--it doesn't stem from any psychoanalytical need to control my life or time or anything, I just think they're fun. I think it started one year I was in a calendar store to get one for the new year, and I realized there were a bunch that I liked, so I decided to break free from the chains of societal calendar pressures and buy all the ones that I liked.

And so it goes. I go calendar shopping after the holidays, because a) then I already have the gift ones that I get, and b) when you buy as many calendars as I do, waiting until they are 50% off really pays. So yesterday I indulged in my calendar excesses for the year, and here's what I came up with:

Wall Calendars:
- Pittsburgh!
- Cool horse photography
- Vintage world maps
- Monte Nagler black & white photography
- Bridges
- Art by Gustave Baumann
- Art by Wolf Kahn
- Old photography of NYC
(And of course at work I have wet erase calendars to keep track of project schedules. But I usually categorize those under my office supply addiction, not my calendar addiction.)

Day-by-day Calendars:
- Daily paper airplane (fun!!)
- Bad President Bush countdown calendar
- Bye-bye Bush countdown calendar (yes, it was worth getting two)
- Stuff on My Cat
- Pooch Cafe
- Daily lawyer jokes (couldn't resist)

The one bummer about waiting until January is that a few of my staple comics that I get every year are sometimes sold out. So I'm currently waiting for the following day-by-day calendars to come in from ordering them online:
- Dilbert
- Pearls Before Swine
- Get Fuzzy

So, for those of you who are counting, yes, that is 16 calendars. And I'm PROUD OF IT!

Down to the Business of Winter

2008-01-05T08:08:00.001-08:00

OK, holidays are over, so now it's time to get serious about this winter thing. Most people don't like winter after the holidays--they like the nice pretty snow for their picturesque holiday scene, but after that they just want spring. For my money, January and February are the best time to REALLY enjoy it! No more nagging feelings hanging over your head that you're supposed to be planning something, buying something, wrapping something, wondering if your life is full enough, complete enough, etc. And let's face it--here in Pittsburgh winter usually doesn't really get serious until January anyhow.

It's that time of year to feel free to take some extra time to enjoy this stuff. My weekend morning walk for coffee was absolutely brilliant. Crisp and clear, the world was quiet and snowy, the cold air sharpened my senses, woke me up, and was thoroughly invigorating. Later today I fully intend to pull on my winter hiking boots and take a jaunt through Frick. And boy...am I itching to be on a mountain right now. (Grrr...haven't gone boarding in 2 years.)

Speaking of which, let's not forget about winter sports! Hockey is in full swing (3rd row seats to the Pens game later today!) and NFL playoffs are gearing up (go Stillers!), and across the pond, the real football national leagues are charging right along (yeah, that's right Americans...those "pansy soccer players" do their thing year 'round, especially in the winter when we're at home crying).

It can be hard because this point of winter can be so tough for many people. It seems like it's always dark. It's cold. The snow gets all dirty and black by the side of the road. A lot of people have a really tough time with SAD, plugging through the winter months. So it's even more important to take extra steps to enjoy it. Yeah, it's dark when I go to work and dark when I leave...but it's not dark in the middle of the day when I sneak out for a quick walk. Pile on those extra layers...I'm not ashamed to have nothing but my glasses poking out between the beanie and turtle fur. I feel so pumped up after embracing the elements and biking to work than after shivering in my car on the drive there.

Besides...all the winter hating in the world won't make it go away, so I might as well make the best of it.

The Bumblebee Goes to Washington (So Do I)

2008-01-02T14:11:00.000-08:00

I spent the last five or so days visiting LT in our nation's capital. First things first, a shout out to EmJ and Kirbs for taking me in all five nights when it became apparent that the T homestead was not an option, and for hosting a fine New Year's Eve shindig.

Also a hug to LT. Keep your chin up; I still believe that patience and reasonable understanding will win out in the end.

A very cool thing about DC is that it is eminently bike-able. There are bike lanes on many streets and lots of great paths and parks and monuments to explore; you can take bikes on the Metrorail (provided it's not rush hour); most places we went had plenty of bike rack space. And oh yeah...it's FLAT (compared to Pittsburgh, anyhow). Although time constraints forced us to the car more often than we had wanted, we did manage to get in two great bike explorations, which I would recommend to anyone.

The first was a ride from the Capitol Building grounds and the National Botanical Gardens, through the National Mall and past the Washington Monument, along the tidal basin past the Jefferson Memorial, and down to the FDR Memorial. I hadn't been to DC since the FDR Memorial was installed--it is definitely a thought-provoking place if you are the type to let your thoughts be provoked, especially in light of some present day public discourses. We rode back much the same way, although we likely would have continued the rest of the way around the tidal basin were it not for dinner plans and rain.

The other was a ride from Gravelly Point (where you sit in a field and get buzzed by incoming planes at Reagan National Airport) up a path that runs along the Potomac. You can turn around at any point; we went to the Key Bridge and across into Georgetown, along the canal, then back to city streets to Foggy Bottom. Then we took the Metro from Foggy Bottom back to Reagan National. Getting back to the path to Gravelly Point from the airport was interesting, but we managed not to violate any homeland security zones, I think.

One cool thing along this path is Theodore Roosevelt Island, which is only accessible from a pedestrian bridge off the river path, near Rosslyn. Although, I feel obliged to point out that by law you're not supposed to bike through it and it's closed at sundown...um, just in case anyone out there was tempted to illegally ride your bikes through it at night. Yeah.

I was also thrilled to meet Monica, Susanne and Danny. They've given LT a lot of support and I could tell they care a lot about her. And the long list of the other good people I met...Renee, Alicia, Leah, Panah, Jim & Lizzie, Susie, Keith and family (and the other XC guys), Dean, brother Kirby, another Emily, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. (Sorry people I know I'm forgetting or whose names I misspelled...)

And lest I forget, thanks to MT for her always-superb care of my furry children.

I will now leave you with pictures of some of our bikes' great travels.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the Capitol.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the Washington Monument.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the FDR Memorial.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to an undisclosed location.

DEO

2007-12-26T06:20:00.000-08:00

Nothing like viewing hours the day after Christmas. My heart goes out to the O'Brien family. I can only imagine what a riot Donna must have been at the holidays, and what a terrible hole that must have left for you this year.